The Pre-Titles Sequence

Ben: This episode opens with a strange mix of old-timey fashion – the couple is very American Gothic – mixed with futuristic tech – it feels very Blade Runner (yes, I know Blade Runner was very fashion forward, but it’s more the mix of new and old I’m talking about). Anyways, the scene ends with the couple dying what sounds to be a painful death at the hands of something unknown. Cue The Doctor to come save the day!

Maureen: I know what you mean about the Blade Runner vibe, Ben. This is one of the Doctor Who sci fi concept episodes that does a lot of world-building very quickly. It’s a proper old-style Who episode! Even the smiling bureaucrat reminded me a little of Blade Runner!

The Companion

Ben: Poor Martha has a bit of a bad run this episode; first she asks The Doctor about Gallifrey, then he takes her to a place he’s already been with Rose, and not even to the nice parts! And then, to add insult to injury, she gets kidnapped! She’s doing a pretty good job managing on her own until her kidnappers drop the bombshell that their 10-mile trip to Brooklyn is going to take them 6 years!! According to her captors they’ve brought enough supplies to last them the trip, including such fun things as artificial muscle stimulants to fight off atrophy. What a world Martha and The Doctor have found themselves in!

Maureen: I just loved all the little world-building add-ons like the artifical muscle stimulants and that awfully disturbing scene where a woman bought mood pills to forget her own parents. But no, Martha was NOT having a good time. I love that The Doctor can’t help himself – he claimed he’d only take Martha on two adventures but now he can’t stop! I quite enjoyed the Gallifrey speech Ten made and his quip that going home wouldn’t be any fun and then whoops, Martha is kidnapped! I actually noted that this set-up reminds me a lot of Australian sci-fi shorts I’ve read. This episode really shows how often Doctor Who opts for fantasy tropes over sci fi ones. Though I enjoy both, it’s nice to have a change.

Ben: Things really start to go pear-shaped when the car Martha’s in makes it down to the fast lane at the bottom of the highway. And with all the turnoffs closed, there’s no way out of the fast lane and whatever else lives down there. It takes a black cat lady in what appears to be fetish gear invoking Jehovah’s name and then dying in the fast lane 50 yards behind them for Martha’s kidnappers to accept there is in fact something down there with them, and by then it’s too late to get out of the fast lane. (maybe that’s supposed to be a metaphor for living life in the fast lane … nah I’m probably overthinking things). Anyways, Martha’s quick thinking buys them some time when the Macra start attacking them, she’s the one who powers down the car – the Macra can’t detect them when they go dark.

Maureen: I am really loving how clever Martha is. I can’t believe I never appreciated this element of her character as a teen and a young adult. She feels much more consistently written than Rose so far. Even the irritating Doctor love is at least consistent with everything that’s come before.

Martha: You’ve got your hymns. I’ve got The Doctor.

That quote by the way, fits pretty neatly with the Season Three finale. This is probably one of the reasons why Season Three was always my overall favourite of the RTD era, even with the Doctor Jesus flaws.

Ben: Next, we get a great scene with Martha where she muses on the possible mistake she made in travelling with this strange man who calls himself The Doctor – she doesn’t know anything about him, her parents have no idea where she is. She could die billions of years into the future on a distant planet and nobody would know what has happened to her. This kind of reflection is completely different from anything we got from Rose, who jumped at the chance to travel with The Doctor and never looked back. She’s put her life in the hands of a complete stranger (who isn’t a medical doctor and therefore automatically trustworthy).

Maureen: I wonder how old Martha is meant to be? Early twenties vs. Rose’s nineteen? She feels a lot more mature and again I love how her musings here fit in with her finale exit. I suspect that if Martha ever met Rory, she’d get on with him like a house on fire.

Ben: After her introspective speech, Martha needs to get the power back on so she and her kidnappers don’t suffocate, so it’s back to dodging gigantic crab claws as best she can. I know they can’t move properly into the next lane up, but surely they can move up a little bit, just to be out of range of the claws. Luckily The Doctor manages to save the day, and Martha finally puts her foot down and gets some proper backstory out of The Doctor – he’s not just a Time Lord, he’s the last of the Time Lords. It’s been a while since The Doctor has gotten this serious, and it’s a great way to end the episode, mirroring how it started, with The Doctor telling Martha about Gallifrey.

The Doctor

Ben: Tennant does some pretty great acting at the start when Martha asks the Doctor about Gallifrey. The sad music playing as the Doctor describes the planet he lost to the Time War was getting close to tear inducing.

Maureen: God, I love the season three soundtrack! And the Gallifrey theme Murray Gold wrote for it is one of the best until ‘I am the Doctor’ came along in Season Five and blew everything that came before out of the water … but I digress.

Ben: The Doctor’s introspection doesn’t last long, as he chases adventure to defer grief. Bring on the 15th New York! After a very dramatic introduction to the city, the Doctor rushes off to rescue Martha – but not before pulling his angry holier-than-thou act on the street vendors who sell the emotions. Sure, going for the little guys is really gonna solve shit, Ten!

Maureen: Ah, Ten. This is why you’re not my favourite. You’re just so sanctimonious at the drop of a hat. Like, maybe try a little empathy for these people and the harsh world they live in? But then, The Doctor can be judgmental and at least Ten managed violent emotion, which is more than Thirteen managed in her entire season :/

Ben: Anyway, cutting to the motorway, The Doctor manages to hitch a ride with a lovely catman, his human wife and their kittens! Such an adorable little family THAT’S BEEN DRIVING ON THE MOTORWAY FOR TWELVE YEARS?!? Anyways, thanks to the assistance of a little old lady (I wonder how long her and her wife have been on the motorway for) who likes to carspot, the Doctor is able to pinpoint the car that Martha is in. The question now is how to get to her. It’s also the Doctor who realises what no one’s been wanting to say – that the highway has been abandoned by New New York – no police, no ambulance, just the motorway. I particularly loved the sequence of the Doctor jumping through car after car to get down to the fast lane – all the different car interiors and passengers was just really fun. Anyways, once The Doctor gets to the row of cars just above the fast lane we finally get a look at what’s really down there, and we find out the cat lady Boe sent to find the Doctor is hot on his tail! Novice Hame catches up to the Doctor just as he discovers the Macra and whisks him away to the Overcity of New New York. And THAT is when shit gets real.

24 years ago the entire population of NNY was wiped out by a new chemical called Bliss – a virus mutated inside Bliss and became airborne, killing everyone in 7 minutes. The only way to save the Undercity was to seal it off. The highway has been running on automatic for 24 years, with the Face of Boe and Novice Hame keeping everything running as best they can. Hell, Boe even wired himself to the mainframe, giving his lifeforce to keep things running and prevent the Undercity from falling into the sea. They couldn’t even call for help because the planet is under quarantine for 100 years.

Given this new information, The Doctor struggles to work his magic with what little power there is left in the system, which is when the Face of Boe gives everything he has left to power the system – enabling The Doctor to open the roof of the motorway and free everyone who’s been trapped there. Before Boe dies he gets to say his tearful (for everyone else) farewells, and impart a final secret to the Doctor – that he’s not alone, he isn’t in fact the last of the Time Lords.

Face of Boe: You are not alone, Doctor!

Maureen: Well, I have nothing to add to Ben. He’s on fire this week!

The Monster of the Week

Ben: Right from the beginning of the episode we know there’s something big and bad out there, big enough to break through a transport to get to the people inside. First, all we hear is some ominous creaking and groaning from below the car carrying Martha and we’re assured it’s just the air vents (which Martha points out are obviously non-functioning considering all the smog). Although we do then get a folk tale about how there’s in fact a huge scary monster down there who’s the reason a whole bunch of people have gone missing. I wonder which of the two reasons will turn out to be true … Well, if you guessed option B you’d be correct! Turns out it’s giant crabs called Macra that thrive in gas – the filthier the better according to The Doctor. Apparently, billions of years ago they used to rule the galaxy, with humans as their slaves. I dunno how crabs without opposable thumbs can rule anything, but I guess stranger things have happened. Anyways, they’ve devolved somewhat since then, but they’re still enough of a threat to the occasional carload of people who get within claw range. They don’t really suffer a defeat in the climax of the episode so much as everyone is able to move far enough away that they’re no longer a problem. So, victory? I guess?

Maureen: I sort of feel like there wasn’t really a villain this week. The Macra were minding their own business in the smog. It was only when humans got too close that they attacked. The humans with the synthetic emotions were making money off trauma, but well, why shouldn’t they in such a bleak dystopia? Maybe it was a civil service. As to the cat lady and the Face of Boe, they are ambiguous as to their innocence or villainy at first, but by the end of the episode we know the traffic jams have been caused for the greater good in a move of ultimate sacrifice on the part of Boe. Incidentally, I thought it was incredibly chilling when Martha and The Doctor walked through the skeletons of The Senate (how prequel Star Wars). That scene really showed why Boe did what he did, even if that meant consigning humanity to a boring and cruel existence in the smog indefinitely.

Final Thoughts

Ben: The Face of Boe showing up was a happy surprise, and initially with his cat companion arming her weapon I though he had nefarious designs for The Doctor. Turns out, no! And then adding to this vision of a dystopian future, there’s street vendors selling synthetic moods and feelings. 21st century drugs have nothing on them, that’s for sure. Selling a young woman ‘forget’ so she could forget her parents who went on the motorway? Oof. The world-building in this episode is insanely good. All those cars, spitting all those fumes inside a tunnel for decades! No wonder there’s a monster down there picking off cars. We get some more excellent world building in the second half of the episode with the dead Overcity, and a great dramatic conclusion to the episode with the Face of Boe making the ultimate sacrifice to save the city (and Martha). All in all, I really loved this episode, and any faults I have with it are relatively minor. I’m going to give it a 9/10.

Maureen: I think this is a weird Doctor Who episode. It’s not showy. It’s not wildly ambitious like some of Moffat’s work, but it tells an interesting future-set story with great world-building and doesn’t shy away from tough moral choices. And yes, I was happy to see the return of Boe. I also think this episode works hard to set-up Season Three’s overarching themes about what it is to be the last of your kind, what it is to travel as a human companion with The Doctor and why The Doctor matters. I loved this episode from the first time I saw it and my opinion on it has never changed. I also give Gridlock 9/10 inky stars

The Pre-Title Sequence

Maureen: Some witches! First rate cackling after a rather violent death! A witch who reminds me vaguely of The Master’s wife, Lucy Saxon, and it turns out, was in Casino Royale for a couple of seconds. What’s not to enjoy?

Ben: This whole sequence was giving me strong BBC Merlin vibes, to be honest. It’s very supernatural entity of the week, and it culminated in a good evil laugh, which I appreciate. The question is, how will they make it sci-fi …

The Companion

Ben: Martha continues to be so inquisitive! The Doctor may not appreciate her curiosity at how everything works, but I love her and her keen scientific mind. She does have a point about the causality of time and the butterfly effect … And she continues to have witty comebacks for every occasion! Her joke about getting sectioned for telling people she’d met Shakespeare, for one.

Maureen: I’m pleasantly surprised by how funny Martha is. It’s not something I’d remembered about her run at all. I also lol’d at the sectioning comment. I like her innate toughness too. She’s completely unfazed by sewerage everywhere, citing her experiences in A and E as good training for the situation she’s found herself in, for example. I also laughed at Martha’s enteprising nature when she finds herself able to get her hands on an original Shakespeare play.

Martha: We can sell it when we get home and make a mint!

Then there’s the odd Shakespeare/Martha shipping in-show, because this episode is having a ball and wants you to have one too!

Ben: Yeah, wow when Shakespeare calls Martha … well a lot of words that I’m impressed the BBC let the scriptwriter include.

Maureen: I thought it was pretty funny later when Martha said she couldn’t bring herself to kiss Shakespeare because of his bad breath. This chick takes no shit and gives no fucks. I forgot just how likeable Martha is.

Ben: The scene with Martha and The Doctor in bed was painful to watch, with poor Martha getting her crush squished in one blow. Ahh well, better to get it out of your system early so you can enjoy your adventures through space and time.

Maureen: I really wish the Rose spectre had been laid to rest around this point. Alas, it haunts all of the RTD era. My comment was, ‘no moon-eyes Martha. Bed-sharing is lame.’ And The Doctor claiming Rose would know exactly what to do and how to comfort can fuck right off.

Ben: Now, Martha doesn’t do a great deal in the last half or so of the episode except sit back and enjoy the ride, but she does get to contribute at critical moments (again with the CPR, expelliarmus, etc etc) and generally have a good time. And! She get’s compared to a summer’s day. Now that’s a story worth getting sectioned over.

Maureen: I loved the Harry Potter episode. It dates the episode, but in a fun way for this millennial who grew up waiting for each new book to come out.

Martha: It’s a bit Harry Potter!
Ten: Aw, you wait till Book Seven. I cried all night.

Final thing I want to say: Martha’s tats are damn hot. Bite me.

The Doctor

Ben: I did quite enjoy how much the Doctor was having the time of his life showing off for Martha, giving her the Doctor Who special and all that. Although it wouldn’t be a Doctor Who special without everything going wrong in the first 10 minutes. It’s just as Martha said, you shouldn’t meet your idols, and there’s no reason why Shakespeare would be exempt from that rule given his swarmy racism.

Maureen: Yes, though I liked that the scriptwriter (I think this one was Gareth Edwards?) was brave enough to mess with the Shakespeare deification. It’s a risk, but I think it pays off. Shakespeare doesn’t feel overly liberated and a-historical here.

Ben: Yeah, and he does quickly redeem himself, seeing through The Doctor’s psychic paper for one. Then, with a drowning on dry land the mystery is properly afoot, and The Doctor is in his element. Investigating ensures, to the detriment of Martha’s romantic overtures. But! Shakespeare got enough flirting in for everyone. The Doctor’s confrontations with the Carrionites were very Merlin, with the naming and the rhyming and all that jazz. And that brings us to the final confrontation! It was all very over the top, with a tornado of evil witches and their laughter, with a dramatic final sonnet to undo what was done, and to top it all off, a JK Rowling reference. End scene, cue applause, off with his head and all that. Maureen has informed me that the bit with Queen Liz was only properly explained quite recently in an episode I haven’t yet seen, I am quite curious to see what he could have done to deserve such a warm welcome.

Maureen: How the fuck did you not see the 50th anniversary, Ben? HOW? Anyway, I feel like The Doctor and Martha didn’t actually do a lot this episode to solve the alien of the week problem. The focus was more on light froth fun (which I was down with) and then revelations thick and fast towards the end. In addition to the J.K references, I kind of liked the trip to Bethlam. It reminded me of Sweeney Todd, and anyone who knows anything about me knows how much I love that musical.

In other news, I liked The Doctor being a bad TARDIS driver reference too.

Martha: Isn’t there a driver’s test?
Ten: Yeah. I failed it.

Oh, River Song. I can’t wait for your later zingers.

Ten got to be quite funny again this episode with his introduction as ‘Sir Doctor of TARDIS’ and Martha of ‘Freedonia’ where black skin and tight clothes aren’t blinked at (we can dream). Also, in a repeat of Eccleston in his period piece episode with Dickens, the many times Ten ‘inspires’ Shakespeare with his own lines.

The Alien of the Week

Maureen: These Carronites were pretty nasty critters. I counted the body count at three about ten minutes into the episode!

Ben: It’s an uncommon episode where the aliens are so heavily featured in the pre-title sequence, that’s for sure! Right from the get-go you know they’re Bad News and that they also have Unknown Powers they can bring to bear at the blink of an eye (although this is really just making me nostalgic for BBC Merlin again). The death of the head play person was well done, honestly, I found it pretty horrific. Drowning on dry land, what a way to go. Anywho, they continue to speak in rhyme and cast magic with abandon to further the plot while the Doctor does his investigating. Turns out they’ve been planning this for quite some time! Putting little ideas in the architect’s head while he was sleeping. And then, with their name comes their history, a species older than time, locked away by the Immortals, using the power of words to break once again into this reality. It’s a great fantasy storyline, that’s for sure. And they got a great fantasy ending too! With their spell cut off by Shakespeare they all ended up trapped in their crystal ball for all eternity.

Maureen: Sometimes The Doctor can be unbearably cruel, but this time, I think the Carronites, despite their lonely last of our kind attempt to win The Doctor over, deserved his ire. To be trapped screaming in the TARDIS for all eternity though? So harsh. It is a great fantasy storyline, Ben, but unfortunately, this is where the episode falls apart a bit for me. It went too far into fantasy for believability to hold. I didn’t really buy those witches as aliens. They looked and acted like, well, witches.

Final Thoughts

Ben: This episode can most accurately be described as a fun romp of an adventure. The aliens this week were very much magical and non-sciencey. I know The Doctor uses that quote about any sufficiently advanced technology looking like magic, but if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. The lead witch lady even refers to it as magic herself! Still, the three wicked witches were really fun to watch. On top of the witches, just having Shakespeare around as a character was good fun, and all the jokes referencing his works or the theatre were well done. In the end, I really enjoyed this episode, but it loses points for being an episode of the wrong show (and also some clunky acting at moments). I’m going to give it a 7/10.

Maureen: I’m the same as Ben. I really enjoyed the episode’s ride and the light-hearted laughter-filled romp the scriptwriter achieved, but it isn’t as good to my mind as Gatiss’ The Unquiet Dead in terms of moving character and drama forward. I also feel like the plot went for frothiness over substance so that Martha and Ten didn’t always feel that necessary to the story. I did enjoy this more than last week’s episode however, so I’m going with a solid 8/10 inky stars.

Pre-Title Sequence

Ben: As is usual with these two-parters, the pre-title sequence was a recap of the previous episode, ending with the ominous words from Rose of the excellent eyebrows – “this is how I die.” Onwards!

Maureen: Much drama! Also, clever cop out that doesn’t feel like a cheat, RTD!

The Companion/s

Ben: Rose pulls some excellent stunts when facing down the Daleks – standing up to them and name-dropping the Time War in the process. That did take nerve. She was pretty badass when she dropped the bombshell that not only is The Doctor in the building, but that she met and killed the Dalek Emperor!

Maureen: This was probably my favourite part of the episode. Rose did have courage and backbone. Too often she allowed herself to be defined by her relationship with The Doctor instead of her own strengths which is why she grew to annoy me as a companion. Still, didn’t mind her here. I also dug her in this exchange:

Dalek: Which of you is least important?
Rose: No. We don’t work that way.

Though I have to admit, the Daleks sucking the Torchwood lackey’s brain cells to kill him was not a sight for the kiddies (or for me. How scary!)

Ben: Of course, there’s the obligatory awkward conversation between her and Mickey who’s acting more like Ricky. Though that does turn out to be a rather juicy conversation – Rose correctly deducts that they need time energy to activate the Genesis Ark, and Mickey foreshadows an important feature of the time travel devices – they can only carry one person. Rose doesn’t do much more until the end of the episode, and I honestly wasn’t prepared for how traumatic that ended up being. It’s a lot to get thrown on you in one hit – The Doctor’s saving the day and part of the plan is you leaving and never existing in the same reality as the Doctor ever again. I mean, The Doctor has been her life for two years or so, but even then she chose The Doctor over her own mum! That’s young love for you. I’m sure inkashlings will have better words for this part, I’m no good with the emotional stuff

Maureen: I have such a weird relationship with this ending. I alternate between love and hate every few years. I like that Rose is stubborn and determined in her youth and she foregoes safety for love. Back in the parallel universe I don’t mind the goodbye scene, even if I was like ‘omg hurry up and spit it out, Ten. Are you trying to while away precious seconds?’ I actually think my irritation with the Rose thing is because of what came after in terms of her continued impact on story and The Doctor’s relationships with his new companions. I wish she’d been left on that beach to discover her abilities with Torchwood, tragic but able, courageous and wise about aliens, her future left to the viewer’s imaginations and the show able to move on. Alas, that’s not what happened so I’ll move on …

Ben: Billie Piper sure did pull out all the stops when it came to the emotional scenes at the end of this episode. Talk about an emotional gut punch! There were some powerful, swoon-worthy lines said about collapsing universes and not caring if it meant they could be together. And of course, their goodbye happened in Bad Wolf Bay. Even re-watching this scene to write the review has me tearing up, the way Rose’s last words to the Doctor end up being her declaration of love for him. Oof.

Maureen: I shed a tear this re-watch. I cannot deny it. Billie Piper is a brilliant actress, which certainly helps, and I think one of her strengths are these kind of high melodrama scenes.

Ben: On to Jackie. She had a rough time of things. First she doesn’t know what’s happened to Rose and then she faces being turned into a cyberman. Even worse, she sees the Torchwood lady getting turned into a cyberman too!

Maureen: I’ve never listed it in order before, but by jove Ben, you’re right. I wonder how much therapy Jackie needs now? In the parallel universe is she like Katniss in the conclusion of The Hunger Games? Is it Pete that talks her through the nightmares when she can’t sleep? Someone write the fic!

Ben: YEAH AND THEN AFTER ALL OF THAT she sees her husband basically return from the dead! It was a very sweet moment, that reunion. It’s really nice to see the development to Jackie’s character. When we first met her, she was a bit of a caricature. But she gets something of a happy ending! The Tyler’s reunited again, with another Tyler on the way!

Maureen: I think Jackie came into her own in the second part of this season and surprisingly, it was Love and Monsters that helped me to understand her behavior the most. When she says to Pete she never loved anyone but him it’s true in its way. She may have had one night stands with men, but they meant nothing to her beyond the physical. I think Jackie has changed with Rose away and Pete dead. She nagged too much. She shouted too much. She cared about the superficial too much, but it was to try to fill the emptiness within. Perhaps adventures with The Doctor and Rose have helped her to get some priorities sorted. I also love the symmetry of Pete dying in our world and Jackie dying in Pete’s world and I too found their reunion sweet.

The Doctor

Ben: In a different move for The Doctor … for a big part of this episode he’s just a spectator! First, he’s held captive by the cybermen, and then after he’s rescued from them, he’s taken back to Parallel Earth! Back on Earth II we get the low down on how the cybermen made their way over to Earth thanks to Pete Tyler – plus the interesting little easter egg that Harriet Jones is the President in this reality. And then! Then we’re off to the races!

Maureen: Yes, you’re right, but I think this was a general tool of RTD when he wrote finale’s anyway. He did like to throw the kitchen sink aka every guest star and big threat and reference into his finales which by necessity meant character’s had to take turns to take a backseat. Sometimes the RTD approach worked and sometimes it didn’t. I think it was fine this finale.

Ben: Hmmm. About halfway through the episode, The Doctor makes alliances with Cybermen and tries to get Earth II Pete Tyler to rescue Jackie even though she’s not his Jackie. Anyways, The Doctor serves some sick burns to the Daleks before attempting to drop a cyberman augmented trap on their heads. Shame it didn’t quite work out.

Maureen: Haha there were so many Doctor and Rose Dalek directed sick burns. Those two were on fire! Also, plus points to RTD for fitting in some humorous Ten/Rose banter.

Ten: How are ya?
Rose: Oh, so so.

And:

Rose: Which one’s shiver?
Ten: I’m shake.

Ben: And then we get to The Doctor’s master plan. Tricky, this void stuff, although I’m not entirely sure how the Daleks who were trapped inside the Genesis Ark got covered in it. Surely Time Lord technology isn’t that leaky. But still, it’s a good plan, and I’m being nit-picky.

Maureen: I gave up on following whys and wherefores and enjoyed the character stuff. I have a theory about TV drama actually. I think you can break plot rules, or you can break established characterizations or you can break with tone, but not all at the same time and two is pushing it. I’m also more forgiving of plot when the script has something true to say about character. So basically, I didn’t care about the plot mcguffin get out of jail reasoning because I was enjoying the character stuff too much to care.

Ben: The Doctor should have seen Rose being non-compliant from a mile off re his plan to tackle the Daleks alone. I mean he’s traveled with her for two years or so by this point! I understand he’s doing it for noble reasons, but still.

Maureen: Yeah, it was kinda funny how easy it was for Rose to reverse that plan. Like, did The Doctor and Rose’s family seriously think she wouldn’t press the button and go straight back? She isn’t stupid.

The Alien of the Week

Ben: Cybermen AND Daleks! The shark has truly been jumped this week. For starters, how did the cyberman broadcast their face/background to all frequencies of the world without a camera? And like, the first time we see a Dalek, it downloaded all of the internet through a computer terminal, surely they could have done that instead of sucking the information out of the brain of a Torchwood agent.

Maureen: Ah, Ben, how do you think of these things? They never occur to me till you point them out.

Ben: The stand off between the Cybermen and the Daleks was pretty hilarious/petty.

Dalek: This is not war. This is pest control.

And

Dalek: You are better at dying.

And, it turns out these Daleks are of the Cult of Skaro! I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds impressive. And, thanks to Mickey touching it, the Genesis Ark was successfully activated! Anywho, we now we have all out war happening between the Daleks and the Cybermen, with all Cybermen units converging on Torchwood Tower. Which, considering how slowly they walk, is not really a threat the Daleks need to concern themselves with. And then, the grand reveal. The Time Lord technology that is the Genesis Ark? It’s a prison ship housing millions of Daleks. The wonders of Time Lord science. It’s a shame they didn’t get to enjoy their freedom long, on account of the Doctor opening a doorway to the Void and them all getting sucked in. But at least one of the Dalek’s of Skaro managed to sneakily temporal shift their way out of danger, living to fight another day.

Maureen: I love the concept of a Dalek cult. I wonder if Big Finish did something with this? Probably. PS: I found the Daleks scary when they killed Torchwood man, but the cyberman weren’t bad either. The bit where Torchwood’s leader repeats, “I did my duty,” over and over as they rewire her is really disturbing because the process is left up to your imagination. Poor Jackie having to watch! Like I said, so much therapy needed. And it was so sad when cyberman Torchwood leader repeats later, “I did my duty,” as a tear falls from her cyberman groove eye. I reckon if I’d been younger when this came out, I’d have been behind my sofa.

Final Thoughts

Ben: This was an excellent follow through from the previous episode. It had highs, lows, funny bits, sad bits. Everything you want in a Doctor Who episode, in fact! And! It redeemed the absolute wreck that was the two-parter that introduced the Cybermen. I was truly devastated to see Rose go in the end. Her and The Doctor had great chemistry. It’s a shame it never worked when they tried to introduce a third companion (with the exception of Captain Jack Harkness), but I guess they’re jealous lovers. But I digress. Their goodbye scene left me a wreck, only for the appearance of Donna Noble to whiplash me back to reality. In the end, I think I’ll give this a 10/10. Onwards to the Christmas Special!

Maureen: I’ll probably change my mind a year later, but I did enjoy this a lot this time around. It’s not this finale’s fault that Rose grew to outstay her welcome and that her ghost haunted the show to its detriment. Also, interesting thing. Someone was talking to me the other day about how New Doctor Who is way more fantasy than it is sci-fi and I agree with that, but I often see Eleven as fantasy archetype territory, rather than Ten. The whole dream sequence and final goodbye was something out of a fairy story. 10/10 inky stars

So what went down? Rose and The Doctor greet Jackie in her modern day London estate home, only to find out ghosts have been returning … only the footprints aren’t a boot and bam it’s another threat altogether. Plus bonus aggressive Torchwood (which feels oddly prescient on the topic of make Britain great again given Brexit) and non-Martha Freema Agyeman guest appearance episode.

The Pre-title Sequence

Ben: “Planet Earth – this is where I was born, and this is where I died.” What a dramatic way to open the first episode of this two-part finale! Although the number of humans who have died off earth you could probably count on one hand so like, Rose you’re not that special. Still, this recap was nice, and really adds to the inevitability of the tragedy about to unfold.

Maureen: Yep, I too was all, hello angstalicious Rose. But also, I love Billie. What an actress! So all is forgiven. But also, the below quote is stupid:

Rose: For the first nineteen years of my life, nothing happened at all. Nothing.

Enough with telling the viewer companions are nothing without The Doctor, RTD!

The Companions

Ben: Jackie was excellent in this season. I love how she’s developed as a character. She’s gone from flirting with The Doctor to stealing a kiss or two off him! And she’s pulling off double denim like the fashion icon she is. Apart from the few moments of ‘oh god she thinks her dead father is back from the dead is she going senile?’ Rose comments, Jackie is incredibly sharp this episode, calling out both The Doctor and Rose on their shenanigans. Rose gets the biggest smackdown, when Jackie says once she’s dead Rose will have nothing to return to earth for. The whole speech she gives describing this future version of Rose losing her humanity was pretty grim. But I get the feeling Rose would be fine with that outcome as long as she had The Doctor. And! Jackie gets to be the companion for a bit!

Ten: When Torchwood comes to write up my history, don’t mention I travelled with her mother.

Maureen: I love the transformation of Jackie Tyler. She started out as such an annoying whore style stereotype. I feel like the second half of this series has upped the characterisation stakes and made the core gang of The Doctor, Rose and Jackie all a lot more understandable in terms of motivation. I also liked the opening with Jackie where we see Rose wearing a back pack like she’s been travelling to another country rather than through space. Rose gifts Jackie a souvenir that tells the weather and Jackie doesn’t care because she’s too busy loving Rose so hard because she’s been worried. This felt like such a realistic little scene to me.

Ben: As to Rose, the Rose we get this episode is Rose at the peak of her companionship with the Doctor. Having not seen any of her run I imagine this is where Sarah Jane Smith was at when she was abandoned by The Doctor. Rose has learnt how to use the TARDIS’s equipment, investigate on her own, and thinks it’ll last forever. To be honest, in this first episode Jackie contributes more than Rose, but this is still an important part of her journey.

Maureen: I was struck by the great chemistry between Rose and The Doctor again. It’s not a ship that always works, but when it does, damn it’s a lot of fun. Billie and David have a lot of chemistry when the script doesn’t weigh them down with stupid jealousy sub-plots! I loved the Ghostbusters moment especially! I also enjoyed Rose having fun with psychic paper and having the whole thing backfire because Torchwood has training y’all. Also, lol at Rose thinking the ghosts could be Gelth related, The Doctor’s look and Rose’s subdued, cheeky smile as she says no.

Ben: Then this episode also introduces Yvonne of the fabulous hair – the leader of Torchwood and a woman who I imagine got on very well with Harriet Jones. Although her talk of British Empires and imperial tonnes was a bit concerning. Still, it’s nice to see a charismatic woman in power. Plus, it does take some nerve to call The Doctor out when he’s in his element, even if it is to tell him he’s gone left when he should have gone right. The Doctor does make some very valid points that you don’t need to poke every anomaly you find with a stick to see what happens, but this does come off as a bit sanctimonious and hypocritical when that’s exactly what The Doctor does on a regular basis.

Maureen: I loved the Torchwood stuff. Great call back to Queen Vic and of course she would have left instructions about The Doctor that were less than flattering! The scene were Yvonne and Torchwood lackeys cheer on The Doctor were so disconcerting and Ten was off-kilter completely. Yvonne was such a powerhouse CEO type, who genuinely believed she was doing the right thing for her country. I hated her morals, but she remained oddly likeable throughout the episode.

Ben: Finally, Mickey returns! I don’t know how he got through to this reality/got through early enough to get a position at Torchwood and work his way up the ranks to be working at what I would guess is one of their higher-level projects. He also felt more like Ricky than Mickey, and of course in his first sentence to Rose he calls her babe. Eww. Also, he barely even looks at Rose! War against the cybermen has changed him, and not necessarily for the better. He’s become like Rachel from Animorphs (which is a bit of an obscure reference these days, I know), a soldier who loves war. Also, how the hell did Mickey hide such a huge gun in what is supposedly such a secure building?

Maureen: I thought the point of Mickey replacing Rickey in the parallel universe was to give him a chance to become that stronger, more confident version of himself. ‘My name is Mickey. Mickey Smith. Defending the earth.’ I didn’t begrudge him his moment of limelight or think too hard about hows and wherefore’s, though I agree the babe was a bit much.

The Doctor

Ben: Another episode where The Doctor’s nowhere to be seen when something starts to go awry on Earth! Maybe Harriet Jones was onto something …

Maureen: Yes, this is why I really dug the Series Three finale back in the day. The Doctor was given some big consequences for his Harriet Jones holier-than-thou-even-tho-I’m-clearly-wrong actions.

Ben: Still, his “a footprint doesn’t look like a boot’ response to Jackie saying the ghosts look human was memorable.

Maureen: I thought it was rather poignant when Jackie describes the smell of her Dad and The Doctor and Rose reveal they can’t smell a thing. She’s wished her father onto the image of the ghost, which is deeply sad to me.

Ben: Anywho, we get some general Doctoring as Ten investigates the ghosts, paired with the usual technobabble. And then we get the debut of both allons-y and the usage of 3D glasses as he discovers the source of the ghosts! Now for a Bad Wolf reference and we’ll have bingo.

Maureen: I very much enjoyed Ten with his allons-y and 3d glasses and huge ass technology to trap ghosts with this episode. Holy shit, he be growing on me!

Ben: The Doctor’s demonstration at Torchwood Tower of what happened to the fabric of reality when the Void Ship came through was impressive, because even though I knew the glass was going to shatter I was still holding on to every word he said. Ten really does have a commanding charisma.

Maureen: I don’t always agree, but this second half of the series, Tennant has been superb. I thought he was pitch perfect in the scene you describe.

Ben: To nobody’s surprise it all goes to hell and there’s nothing The Doctor can do about it because this is part one of a finale. And we end the episode with The Doctor surrounded by cybermen! Not the best position to turn things around from!

The Alien of the Week

Ben: Ghosts! RTD really got the foreshadowing right this week, with the man on the television talking about the ‘military parade’ of ghosts at Westminster. I did love the little scene of Team TARDIS changing through the tv channels with ghost mania taking hold of the planet. I’m not sure how this psychic link is pulling the ghosts through, if they have that link then why the particle accelerators in Torchwood Tower?

Maureen: Damn it, Ben! I didn’t even think that plot hole through to know it was one. Why must you always pick up on these things?

Ben: Speaking of Torchwood Tower, the IM flirting between Not-Martha and Gareth was pretty cringeworthy. It definitely brought back memories of talking to people on MSN Messenger.

Maureen: It was very Renee Zellweger/Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones Diary!

Ben: But the payoff was worth it as we got the reveal of the real alien of the week – the cybermen are back!

Maureen: How cool was the Freema scream as she faced off a cyberman. That must have been so fun to act, and just so iconic too.

Ben: How no one noticed Not-Martha and Gareth were looking like total douchebags with ear pieces in both ears is beyond me. The dramatic music that played every time they did something cybermen related was a bit heavy handed – I kept having to turn my headphones down whenever it played.

Maureen: Ah yes, the beginning of Murry Gold being played up to eleven every time something dramatic is happening because we idiotic audience members won’t know it’s dramatic UNLESS THE MUSIC IS VERY LOUD DUM DUM DUM.

Ben: It’s a bit of a nit-picky point, but I also found the dramatic scene with the levers rather annoying – the idea of having physical levers to activate something is so that if something goes wrong software wise you still have a way of shutting things off. There shouldn’t be a way for the levers to be moving by themselves! But maybe there’s cybermen shenanigans involved in that somehow. Also, Torchwood doesn’t have any armed guards in this room, the room containing their most important project? Or any meaningful fail safes?

Maureen: I didn’t think about this at the time, but maybe it’s a sign of the Torchwood hubris at play. Yvonne and Co. are so cocksure of themselves and their ability to fend off invasions and things going wrong, they figure they don’t need extra security and fail safes because no one could ever get that far.

Ben: Hmm, another thing I don’t understand is the random cut to the tv channels discussing the increase in ghost activity after the cybermen activate the ghost shift. There was a police chief there! Those kind of press conferences don’t just happen instantaneously. And the time it took for the ghosts to appear/manifest as cybermen wasn’t that long a time.

Maureen: Eh, I’m not sure I follow you here. I thought the reason for the news stations and the chief of police was because there was an unusual increase in ghost activity. The police commissioner was on air to reassure the public everything was fine, but then the cybermen attack and it’s obvious things aren’t fine. I kind of enjoyed these scenes and the scenes of cybermen mayhem. If I’d been a little kid, this would have been hide behind my sofa scary!

Ben: And then we have the mysterious sphere in the basement of Torchwood Tower, that gets in your head and doesn’t seem to exist. Of course, The Doctor knows what it is instantly – it’s a Void Ship. A ship that exists outside of time and space. So, kinda like a TARDIS but not. And surprise, surprise, it’s packed full of Daleks! It doesn’t do much this episode but loom threateningly over everyone, but it was a great B-plot.

Maureen: And now Rose, Mickey and random Torchwood lackey are trapped in a sealed room with hundreds of Daleks! How will they escape??? What an old school, classic cliff hanger. Love it.

Ten: It’s not an invasion. It’s too late for that. It’s a victory.

Final Thoughts

Ben: I absolutely loved this episode. I don’t know what else to say beyond what I’ve already written. I’m giving this episode a 9/10.

Maureen: Aside from Mickey’s ‘babe’ moment and The Doctor sniping at Jackie in a rather ageist way, I enjoyed this immensely. Enough that I didn’t notice half of the plot holes Ben has pointed out in this review! I’m giving this 9 outta 10 inky stars too and am mad keen for next week.

So, we’re up to the infamous Love and Monsters. When this episode first aired, I hated it with a fiery passion. I thought the character drama was boring, Moaning Myrtle was annoying, the comedy misguided and the alien of the week pants. The last part still holds true, but actually, I quite enjoyed this re-watch. Yes, even Shirley Henderson. This episode is deliberately experimental in a way that RTD often wasn’t, pushing the envelope of what an episode could be and establishing the Doctor lite genre. It also served as a pretty nifty metaphor for fandom. I timed where the story jumped the shark and it was at exactly 30 minutes in, so we’re not even talking a lot of bad episode.

The Pre-Title Sequence

Ben: This was a bit of a weird way to start what is admittedly a very weird episode. The first non-Doctor/companion centric episode, in fact! I wonder what David Tennant and Billie Piper did with the time off …

Maureen: Put their feet up, Ben!

Ben: Also, I would have liked the title sequence to have been pushed back a bit, and started right after the Doctor pauses, looks at Elton and says, “Don’t I know you?” But that’s just nit picking on my part.

Maureen: To be honest, I really liked the opening. I usually identify Marc Warren as a guy who plays the seedy villain in hard-hitting dramas or as Teatime in Hogfather so it was nice to see him get to play a socially awkward nice guy and do comedy. Maybe I’m reading too much into the opening, but I thought the Elton chasing after the TARDIS scenes were meant to play on audience expectations. Normally, Marc Warren is a villain so we assume he will be this episode. Except he isn’t. From the beginning there’s a note of farce about the proceedings which establishes this will be a different kind of Who episode (Rose/Ten chasing an alien up and down a corridor with a bucket and Ten talking to the alien like it’s a pet). Also, I kind of like Elton talking to the audience through his video camera. He’s endearing in the same way Rory was.

The Companions Who Never Were

Ben: Elton is a pretty loveable goof with a ~mysterious past~ with the Doctor, having encountered him in his house when he was 4 when a shadow escaped from the Howling Halls and killed his mum. And since then he’s borne witness to a few other of the Doctor’s Earth based adventures, in a nice little call back to seasons past.

Maureen: So many callbacks! The plastic Nestine in Rose, the Slitheen invasion in Aliens of London/WW3 and then the Sycarax invasion of The Christmas Invasion. There’s even references to Torchwood and Bad Wolf. Also, the whole Elton past thing … I wonder if Moffat was inspired a little by it with Amy Pond. Maybe I just see reflections of The Eleventh Hour in everything, but it reminded me.

Ben: I don’t really have much else to say about Elton. He was a relatable lens through which we got to experience this episode, and he was dumb and sweet.

Maureen: He was incredibly likeable. I had a huge grin on my face when he danced around the room to ELO on camera and cracked jokes about being different to Elton John. I also thought his romance with Ursula (until the shitty end) was very sweet in a Richard Curtis kind of way. He was under-confident, awkward, shy and a bit of a coward too, but kind and gentle and good too underneath it all. I’m kind of sad he didn’t get a two-parter.

Ben: Perhaps my favourite scene of the episode was the scene in the laundromat where Elton attempts to make contact with Jackie and finds himself way out of his depth.

Maureen: I liked this Elton scene a lot too, but it wasn’t my favourite. My favourite would be him realising the Doctor conspiracy stuff has made him lose sight of what matters and what’s moral and tells Jackie he’s going to order them both a pizza and watch TV with Jackie, “just mates.” In fact, all of the Jackie Tyler scenes were solid gold.

Ben: Elton’s way of asking out Ursula left something to be desired, but at least he realised his feelings and acted on them finally. There was passion behind that proposition that he and Ursula grab some Chinese.

Maureen: Just quickly on Ursula, I kind of liked her too. She started off so damn awkward (check out the bench scene where she sits at an angle that positions her body away from Elton even as she’s talking to him and her shy little smiles) and then I just love her and LINDA and their little band and then when she loses her temper at Victor. OK, so she wimped out on hurting the alien when she shouldn’t have, but I kind of enjoy Henderson doing mad. She’s just so slight and small, but has this crazy voice. It works for her.

Ben: I also love Elton’s hell of a speech at the end of the episode about how The Doctor brings death and destruction to those in their orbit, which was a nice little bit of foreshadowing of what’s to come in the finale.

Maureen: I liked his final quote too. I’m sure Rose used something similar before. (Any commentators, please feel free to confirm me right or wrong with the particular episode.)

Elton: When you’re a kid, they tell you it’s all … grow up. Get a job. Get married. Get a house. Have a kid, and that’s it. But the truth is, the world is so much stranger than that. It’s so much darker. And so much madder. And so much better.

That’s the kind of hopeful, life affirming Who quote I love!!!

Ben: Jackie Tyler also had some great moments of characterisation this episode. It was really refreshing to see her living her life sans Rose or The Doctor. You get a real glimpse of a lonely mother, forever waiting for her daughter to return to her. It was really humanising, and you see in her a person who just craves company (“I can’t stand the quiet”) and the human touch, just like everyone does.

Maureen: Jackie Tyler has never really worked properly for me as a character. She too often descends into the ‘has been whore’ stereotype women always get lumped in (alongside virgin and crone tropes) and it annoys me. I didn’t understand the point of these Love and Monsters scenes as a teenager, but now I can understand their significance. They show why Jackie tries to fill her life with a string of men. Because she’s so lonely and feels so inadequate and so, so scared.

Ben: Yeah, my heart really broke for her when, after talking to Rose on the phone, she discovers the photo of Rose in Elton’s jacket and she realises Elton is being kind to her not for herself, but because of her connection with The Doctor. And then she gives this amazing speech about how the people who get left behind get hard, because it’s hard to be abandoned. I mean, couldn’t Rose have brought her mum along for an adventure or two? Jackie has a point!

Maureen: God my heart broke when Jackie she used to have a mate called Mickey who used to do all her handy man work.

The Alien of the Week

Ben: The alien this week, Mr Victor the Absorbaloff from planet Clom was, well, he was a choice. I get what they were going for but … he was definitely the weakest part of the episode.

Maureen: Just an FYI, Ben, this alien was designed by a ten year old as part of a Blue Peter competition so the fault doesn’t entirely lie with RTD and co.

Ben: True and I’m not sure what I would have done differently with the alien of the episode to keep the story/ideas they were trying to explore, but I feel like the alien was the result of no one saying no in the writer’s room. And what was the point of the Slitheen reference?

Maureen: I feel like perhaps this should have been a two-parter. There was thirty minutes of set-up and about ten minutes to reveal the alien threat and deal with it. Everything felt rushed and silly in the denouement.

Ben: At least the alien’s motives were sound with him wanting to absorb The Doctor to experience his life and existence through the power of digestion. But why did he only have the faces of the members of LINDA? Were they his first ever victims? I feel like he needed a bit more of a back story, or something.

Maureen: I found it odd that LINDA didn’t get more suspicious with all of their members vanishing one by one on flimsy pretexts and why they didn’t arc up sooner with Victor being so mean. Also, the denouement where The Doctor saves Ursula as a concrete slab to be Elton’s blow job on tap can go die in a fiery hole of sexism. Which is what that writing was.

Fandom Meta

Ben: The whole story of LINDA (that name is so dumb) is something of a metaphor for fandom, with passion for a thing bringing people together.

Maureen: Oiii, Ben. I liked the LINDA name. It was funny.

Ben: LINDA evolves from a conspiracy Doctor group to a community about genuine friendship. People have different reasons for joining LINDA and they go way beyond The Doctor. For Bridget, it was escaping the reality of her missing daughter, for Bliss it was a way to explore her artistic side. For Elton and Ursula, a way to make “proper mates.” And then, it becomes it’s own thing, almost a family of sorts.

Maureen: God, I love LINDA cooking meals and forming a band and listening to Mr Skinner read his novel. That’s my best experiences of fandom right there.

Ben: The arrival of Victor stretches the metaphor a bit, but I interpret him as the embodiment of toxic fandom.

Maureen: I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch. RTD is known for his on the nose satire. Also, for his involvement in Who fandom before becoming show runner.

Ben: With Victor’s arrival, LINDA becomes all work and no play. Gone is the food and the jam sessions, and instead they’ve been put to work hunting The Doctor.

Elton: Better get to work.
Ursula: I’ve never thought of it as work before.

And then one by one LINDA was dispatched as Victor or ‘toxic fandom’ absorbs each and every member bar Elton. The only way toxic fandom endures is by sucking people in to the point where they can’t leave. There’s something to be said about the way that Victor treats the members of LINDA like garbage, and it’s not until they stand up to him that the tides start to change. Each of the members of LINDA was charming in their own way, and I would have loved to have had more time with each of them.

Maureen: I agree. They were all sweet and good and innocent.

Final Thoughts

Ben: I’m not sure if the scene with The Doctor and Rose chasing/being chased by the alien at the start of the episode was supposed to be comedic, but I found it rather dumb. I had this same experience multiple times in the episode, of the tone feeling a bit off. Like when Elton’s computer blew up because the internet was going into meltdown about theories on the spaceship? Was that supposed to be a humorous recreation, or what actually happened? Anyway, I digress. About 70% of the episode was quite good, and then right at the end it completely jumps the shark. Ursula’s fate was particularly egregious. I feel like if they’d had another episode to properly explore the backstories and lives of the members of LINDA, and maybe had another go at the alien/ending they could have ended up with a truly fantastic episode. As it is, I’m going to give it 7/10.

Maureen: I agree with most of what you say, Ben. Sometimes the tone felt wrong and the alien of the week didn’t work given the denouement RTD went with. Also, have I mentioned before how much I loathe Ursula’s fate? Let me go again: it’s really, really, really fucking sexist. But then, for thirty minutes this was a sweet, funny, experimental look at what running into The Doctor does to people and how he brings them together which made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. So I’m also giving this odd beast 7/10 inky stars.

Ok, ok, I ship this a little … ok … a lot.

Pre-Title Sequence

Ben: The pre-title sequence was rather long this week! There was a lot of scene setting, a man down on his luck and a family discussing getting a tv. And then bam! Mr Magpie is getting his face sucked into the tv by a strange woman with an evil laugh.

Maureen: I feel like people of my Mum’s generation would relate to this opening. After all, they would have been the kids watching with wide-eyed wonder as their disapproving parents watched on.

Grandma to grandson: TV pulls your brains outta your ears.

Re Mr Magpie, I was all OMG HOW GILLIAN ANDERSON IN AMERICAN GODS. Except this came first. Clearly, the producer was watching Also, there was another pre-title audience wink-wink, nudge-nudge moment from the villain of the week.

The Wire: Are you sitting comfortably? Now. We begin.

The Companion

Ben: Rose is looking quite lovely in the beginning of this episode. I can almost forgive her for calling the Doctor ‘daddio’. Even typing the word makes me shudder.

Maureen: Billie is always gorgeous anyway. But also, I liked the ‘daddio.’ Rose minus other companions just works so much better with The Doctor and you can tell Billie Piper is having the time of her acting life.

Ben: I must sound like a broken record by this point, but Rose gets to actually participate in things this episode! At least until she gets her face sucked off. I particularly liked the Union Jack/Flag bit, and not just because that was a piece of trivia I didn’t know. And! She gets to do some proper detective work of her own! Beginning with spotting the weird electricity coming from the TV, she traces it back to its source and finds out what’s happening before The Doctor! She was quite the interrogator, getting in Mr Magpie’s face like that. It’s a shame that that was the extent of Rose’s contribution until the end of the episode. But on the bright side, her fridging was only temporary?

Maureen: This episode reminded me quite a bit of one of Mark Gatiss’ contributions to Big Finish in the Eighth Doctor range, actually. The 1920s alien invasion story with Orson Welles one. We had detectives, we had interesting companion adventure, we had conspiracy, we had villains manipulating a major human point in history. Compared to previous episodes too, I agree Rose got to do so much more and use her intellect to get to the bottom of the mystery. I didn’t mind the Rose face-wipe as such, though I do think the denouement of the episode was rushed, and the story would have benefited from being a two-parter.

Ben: I wasn’t particularly happy with the advice Rose gave to Tommy at the end of the episode either. Years of abuse shouldn’t be that easy to forget. But I guess they had to have a happy ending for everyone involved.

Maureen: I get what you mean with this, Ben. It felt contrived after how horrible Tommy’s Dad was painted throughout the episode. Sexist AND violent. What a guy. If anything, the Tommy ending just raised more questions for me. Will Tommy grow up to be like his father, and will sustained contact encourage that negative growth, or is Tommy truly shaped by his adventure with Rose and The Doctor and will forgive his father even as he doesn’t endorse who he is?

Ben: Hmmm, from the get go the family dynamic was weird, and then you discover the Dad’s such a piece of work. Eddie is a slimy abusive son-of-a-bitch. Poor Rita is the down-trodden housewife, and their son Tommy rounds out the family. Tommy is trying to do the best he can, considering the circumstances. The actor who played Eddie was actually very good, from the look he gives when his wife starts opening up to The Doctor, to the overwhelming guilt on his face when Tommy is talking about how the police are showing up to take people away and no one knows how they know. This episode was much subtler than the cybermen episodes before it, where everything was big and loud. The line about beating the mummy’s boy out of Tommy was particularly horrific, though. Anyway, it comes as no surprise that Eddy has been ratting everyone out to maintain his reputation and position. Masculinity can be so fragile. It all happened rather quick with Rita kicking her out, perhaps it would have been better stretched across two episodes. Things get a bit more blunt towards the end with the family, with Rita talking about how the Coronation is just the thing to make you forget all your troubles.

Maureen: I actually think that the family drama was the most interesting part of The Idiot’s Lantern. What a disturbing portrait of misogyny and patriotism and cowardice! I agree with Ben that the guy playing Eddie was phenomenal. The alien story of the week wasn’t that interesting in comparison once The Wire’s real intent was revealed.

The Doctor

Ben: Once again, the Doctor demonstrates he never passed his driving test (you will note he ignores the question when Rose asks him that after their little car chase). Landing in London instead of New York is quite a remarkable miss.

Maureen: I’d forgotten how much The Doctor being a bad driver was an on-going New Who joke. I thought the River comments came from Eleven, but now I can really see how that quip was set-up over time. Ten might be a new version of The Doctor, but some things just never change.

Ben: I did like the Doctor’s immediate assessment and subsequent take down of Eddie. In previous episodes, writers have been quite happy to partake in some bullying, fat shaming, and other general nastiness. It’s nice to see they’ve drawn the line somewhere. It’s a shame the Doctor’s bamboozling doesn’t last for long, as Eddie is back to his old ways as soon as he sees the power dynamic inside the house shift away from him and retaliates by knocking The Doctor out.

Maureen: I enjoyed that Rose and Ten bounce off each other in their Eddie put-down. They really lull him into a false sense of calm and then let the insults fly!

Eddie: Don’t mind the wife. She rattles a bit.
Ten: Maybe she should rattle more.

Ten: Do you suggest The Queen does the housework?

Eddie: I am talking.
Ten: And I’m not listening.

Ben: At least The Doctor gets a peek at old Gran before he gets knocked out. And then, after a slightly more successful car chase, he finds out there’s plenty more where Gran came from! The atmosphere in these scenes was spooky, with the faceless people looming ominously around the Doctor. It reminded me a lot of the mannequins from the first episode of New Who.

Maureen: I found it hilarious that The Doctor told Rose to hurry up and follow him, before promptly jumping on his motorbike and leaving her in the dust. My favourite part of the episode was actually Rose telling Eddie, ‘only an idiot hangs a Union Jack upside down,’ before dashing away with a manic grin to have her own adventure. The way The Doctor made zero sense to both Ben and I which did pull the episode’s score quite a way down from what it could have been. A real shame and brings us to …

The Alien of the Week

Ben: An electric alien that can live in tvs and eat peoples faces is a weird concept, that’s for sure! And The Wire gives a good villain speech too! The name ‘the wire’ is a bit dumb, though.

Maureen: I found The Wire to be the weakest part of this episode by far. She transitioned from scary to cheesy quite a few times throughout the episode. For example, the constant ‘feed me’s’ felt OTT, but some of her lines like, ‘goodnight children. Everywhere,’ were genuinely frightening. Then, her back story felt tacked on. I get she was an exile and was trying to win a safe place for herself, but her plan was so villainous I just didn’t sympathize with her at all. The Wire is another reason I think a two-parter would have worked better for this story.

Ben: The reveal of Gran was quite terrifying at least, with faceless Gran bumping around in the attic. I guess this is supposed to be a literal interpretation of the ‘tv makes you brainless’ speech Gran gave in the pre-title sequence.

Maureen: Yes, I found the faceless people sub-plot quite touching and sad. Rose mouthing in the TV, helpless, was brutal. It was The Wire herself who didn’t work for me.

Ben: I didn’t understand how she was defeated at all. If she feeds on the electrical power of the brain, why steal human faces? Or is that just an unfortunate side effect of the feeding process? Also, are millions and millions of people just going to forget the whole faces being sucked into their tv sets during the coronation? People seemed to brush it off remarkably quickly. I have to say, being taped over as your mode of demise was a pretty fitting end to what was at best, a very one note villain.

Maureen: The last ten minutes were really where the episode came unstuck for me. I can cope with one-note villains when there’s so much character drama to admire, but The Doctor’s solution simply confused me. Mr Magpie and Ten climbing the transmission tower was a rather mad-cap and dangerous solution from The Doctor and I’m not sure how The Wire generated the electricity to kill Magpie. As for the VCR hand-wave … my only comment was, ‘wait. what?’

Final Thoughts

Ben: This episode wasn’t amazing, brilliant Doctor Who, but it was better than the Cybermen double feature at least. The episode starts of incredibly strong, and then loses steam as it goes. There were a few wasted scenes, or scenes that went on longer than strictly necessary. But the music was a lot better than last week, and on the whole it was a more enjoyable episode. I just wish Gatiss had had time to flesh everyone out a bit more and then this could have been a good horror themed two-parter. I’m going to give The Idiot’s Lantern 5/10.

Maureen: I feel kind of bad for our scores always matching up, but we really do view New Who in a similar way most of the time. I second everything you say. A two-parter would have turned this episode from ordinary to extraordinary. A second script look-in re The Wire would have helped too. Still, I enjoyed the character drama a lot. 5/10 inky stars.

Image by Tom Newsom (I think).

The pre-title sequence

Maureen: Wow this episode is visually beautiful. Versailles, France, is wonderfully brought to life and we’re back into horror fairy story territory with Reinette telling us her clock on the mantle is broken as she calls for help from The Doctor.

Ben: This episode really opens with a bang doesn’t it! We get screams, panic, talk of love, duty, and a beautiful woman pleading for The Doctor to come and save the day! You gotta hand it to him, Moffat sure knows how to write an intro.

Maureen: Yes, I’ve always admired Moffat for his combination of rug-pulling against expectation and intriguing hooks to his episode openings.

The Companion/s

Ben: Rose and Mickey are definitely on the backburner this episode, but you can really see the formings of Rory and Amy in their pairing. Or at least, Rose and Mickey gave me strong Amy and Rory vibes.

Maureen: I’ll talk about this again later, but I definitely see The Girl in the Fireplace as Moffat’s thesis for his entire approach to New Who. Having said that, I didn’t get an Amy/Rory vibe from Rose/Mickey so much as I got a Reinette being the precurser to Amy vibe. Reinette waits many times for The Doctor, just as Amy did with, ‘you said five minutes.’ I wonder if anyone has written the Reinette/Amy fan fic. I’m there! There are elements of River Song’s relationship with The Doctor in Reinette too. Both pairings love is doomed to tragedy. And the fairy story visuals are here too. But back to Ben …

Ben: I love Rose’s makeup and hair this episode.

Maureen: I liked Rose and Mickey toting guns around.

Ben: I also loved Mickey’s shock that the TARDIS can even translate French.

Maureen: I love Mickey’s TARDIS joy.

Mickey: I got a spaceship on my first go.
Rose: Mickey Smith. Meet the universe.

Ben: Rose and Mickey are really good together, quietly exploring the ship, even if they do find some pretty horrible facts out. And Rose get’s to do something of substance! Her scene with Reinette was particularly sweet. If anyone can relate to what Reinette is going through, it’s Rose.

Reinette: I’m very afraid, but you and I both know Rose … The Doctor is worth the monsters.

Maureen: I liked that we got a Series One Rose this time around too who knows to ask the pertinent question/s. This time, why the aliens want Reinette in particular.

Ben: Onwards to Reinette who really is at this episode’s heart as a companion who never was. The inquisitive child was a great way to introduce this character, in my opinion. Kids and the Doctor in general do well. They can accept things that shouldn’t be much better than adults can. The child actress playing her did a pretty good job, and was suitably terrified at the monster The Doctor found under her bed.

Maureen: Talk about an The Eleventh Hour parallel. Instead of a crack in a child’s wall, it’s a clockwork creature.

Ben: Yep, next time we meet Reinette she’s an adult.

Maureen: Yep, just like Amy …

Ben: And boy does she know how to sweep a Doctor off her feet. What a brain she has too! You can practically see the sparks flying between the two as she steals a kiss from The Doctor. And then we find out her true identity! Madame de Pompadour, future Mistress to the King of France and all around overachiever. It’s hard to imagine who would be the more formidable in that pairing.

Maureen: I’d love some Big Finish spin-off, but what if Reinette met River Song? Also, I googled Madame de Pompadour after viewing this episode and what an interesting woman in real life!

Ben: We get to see snippets of Reinette’s life like her strolling through some magnificent gardens and such. Then, the clockwork robots made another appearance, and we get some more information: the clockwork robots need her, specifically her 37 year old brain, to repair their ship. The Doctor looks through her memories to try and find the answer, and in doing so opens the door for Reinette to look through The Doctor’s memories.

Reinette: Such a lonely boy. Lonely then and lonely now. Dance with me … Doctor who? It’s more than just a secret.

Maureen: I may have killed this episode a little by re-watching it so very much, but it has some beautiful scenes and quotes and the one you mention Ben, was definitely one of them. The scene also reveals another Moffat interest, the real identity of The Doctor and the metaphor of his name. It became a central theme in Series Six and Seven under Moffat. I also loved the throwback to Series One and The Doctor Dances with:

Ten: What did you see?
Reinette: That there comes a time, Time Lord, when every little boy must learn to dance.

I don’t think she was talking just dancing, either!

Ben: At the final clockwork confrontation, Reinette is as fiery as ever, commanding silence of her audience.

Reinette (to the crowd of panicking noblemen and women): Kindly remember that this is Versailles and we are French.

The Doctor saves the day magnificently, but then Reinette goes and saves The Doctor! What an excellent twist.

Maureen: Yes. There was such quiet beauty in Reinette when she tells Ten:

Reinette: So here you are. My lonely angel. Stuck on the slow path with me.

Even now she knows he has a way out and she loves him too much to stop him from going.

Ben: She really is his equal, which makes me all the sadder that in the end she dies before getting to travel with The Doctor. Her final letter absolutely ripped my heart out. I’m not used to this level of tragedy from Doctor Who!

Maureen: Yes, even having viewed this episode many a time, I still felt emotional. *I’m not crying, it’s raining on my face*. And the Rose/Ten exchange killed me too.

Rose: You all right?
Ten: I’m always all right.

What a terribly sad lie!

The Doctor

Ben: The Doctor really gets into things quickly this episode! General Doctoring is dispensed with in the first few minutes, consoles are poked at and the scene is set on a spaceship AND on Versailles. And then appears our Girl in the Fireplace! I actually looked up the reference about August of 1727 and there’s nothing of significance that happened, that we know of at least. Maybe it really was just awful weather that month. Then we get to the first amazingly creepy scene of the episode, when the Doctor notices the ticking noise that shouldn’t be. This scene really reminded me of a scene or two with Mr Are You My Mummy back in season one and is really scary stuff. I loved the quick exchange he and Reinette had before the end of the scene. She might have nightmares with monsters in them, but monsters have nightmares with him in them. That’s the kind of imaginary friend you want as a 7 year old.

Maureen: I also found The Doctor’s response to the clockwork creature interesting. He acknowledges its alien beauty even as some of Nine’s anger shines through, showing that Moffat at least, hasn’t forgotten about The Doctor’s bitter past.

Ten: You’re beautiful. I mean it. You’re gorgeous. It would be a crime to dissemble you, but that won’t stop me.

And then I just loved the scene after The Doctor and Reinette ‘danced’ where Rose and Mickey are surrounded by clockwork aliens with Rose about to get sliced up and a drunk Doctor turns up going on about inventing banana daiquiris early and defeating the clockwork alien by pouring wine into its parts. This version of Ten is one I can really get behind!

Ben: It’s not often the Doctor encounters someone who can hold their own against him and really sweep him off his feet in that way. The measures The Doctor goes to to save Reinette’s life are, I think, a testament to the feelings The Doctor has for her, even though he’s only known her for half an hour. Plus his smarmy “oh yeah? Well I’m the lord of Time” response when introduced to the King of France said a lot. Anywho, breaking the time window was a hell of a way to defeat the clockwork robots, but it came at a cost – there’s no way back. Plus, Rose and Mickey are stuck on the ship, unable to fly the TARDIS without him. Whoops.

Maureen: I personally found Ten riding a horse through a wall into the royal court of Versailles a bit full on, but having said that, it was a bombastic and brash moment that had probably been earnt by the quality of the rest of the episode. I loved The Doctor’s manic expressions as he realised Reinette’s fireplace could return him to his TARDIS and it’s telling that he’d forgotten all about his relationship with Rose in the presence of Reinette.

Ten: Pick a star. Any star.

Alas, he came back for Reinette too late. Time was the boss of him and he’d just missed her death carriage. Ten’s expression as he read Reinette’s letter was truly sad. All of that guilt and loneliness and love was locked up tight, and not even Rose could get Ten to confide in her of his secret pain.

The Alien of the Week

Ben: Clockwork robots! What an excellent concept. The French costumes just add to their terror, quite frankly. And then we get to the real horror when we discover the ship The Doctor and his crew are on is running on human body parts mixed with machinery! A human eye in a surveillance camera, a human heart in the midst of some circuitry. And then the central mystery: why has this spaceship 3000 years in the future punched so many holes in space and time to follow the life of Madame de Pompadour? The grand reveal? The spaceship was damaged, these clockwork robots are repairbots and they used the crew to repair the ship. And Reinette is the last part!

Maureen: In RTD era Who, Moffat doesn’t do straight evil villains. In his Series One two-parter, the aliens were also repairbots of a kind, albeit little microbes that healed all they came in contact with even if their understanding of what was and wasn’t healthy was impaired. Similarly, the clockwork aliens are just trying to make sure their spaceship continues on. Programmed to repair, when they ran out of parts they had to make do with what materials they had available to them … too bad that was their human crew.

Ben: The clockwork aliens meet something of an ignoble end, separated from their ship with no way to wind up their gears again. Scary as they were, it’s hard not to feel sorry for them in the end. And that final moment of the episode when the camera zooms out and you see the name of the ship? The Madame de Pompadour? Why, that’s the cherry on the top of this episode. In the end, just as the clockwork robots had claimed all along, Reinette and the robots were indeed linked.

Maureen: Yes, that was such a clever touch! The ship was named Madame de Pompadour so for fix-it alien types, it made sense that they thought Reinette’s brain could re-boot the ship.

Final Thoughts

Ben: This episode was both wondrous and wondrously sad by the end. Moffat really is incomparable in writing these standalone episodes. This combination of whimsy and horror with a little dash of steampunk is exactly the kind of episode I love from Doctor Who. It’s about as close to a perfect episode as you can get, in my opinion. I’m giving it a 10/10.

Maureen: I’ve re-watched this episode more times than I can count and as a result, its lustre has worn off a little over time. It’s probably my least favourite Moffat episode of RTD era Who. Which given how good his other episodes are, isn’t saying much. I kept teetering between a 9 and a 10, but if I’m honest, this is a pretty wonderful Who episode and the first time someone saw it, I can really see how they’d be blown away. I’m sitting with 10/10 inky stars for now.

The Pre-title Sequence

Ben: It’s what’s his face from BBC Merlin! Oh, and Buffy too, I guess. I found this title sequence to be pretty standard fare. It gives you a good idea of what to expect from the episode – a school setting, an evil principal, and The Doctor as a teacher!

Ten: Good morning, class. Are we sitting comfortably?

Maureen: A third wall audience shout-out if ever I heard one! I quite enjoyed The Doctor wearing glasses and teaching kids in suitable frenetic style. I wonder if Clara teaching Jane Austin in the Capaldi era was influenced by this episode?

Giles was seriously ominous.

Mr Finch (upon discovering the student outside his office was an orphan): No one to miss you. You poor child… thing… child.

The Companion/s

Ben: Miserable lunch lady Rose amused me greatly, particularly considering how poorly she treats Sarah-Jane later on in the episode. It’s like karma in advance. Although I do appreciate she got to do some investigating of her own.

Maureen: I thought it was also ironic that Rose escaped a life of chip eating and shitty retail jobs to travel with The Doctor, but in this adventure mundanity still catches her up. At least, Rose figures out something is suss with the chips… especially after a lunch lady is doused in it and an ambulance isn’t called as she screams and screams behind closed blinds! This whole episode reminded me very much of the TV show, Goosebumps, in terms of the ‘horror that’s relatable to young people’ fare. Young, nerdy Miles blowing up the school and the aliens to cheers from his classmates is one such example.

Anyway, Rose was fine to start with this episode, but her jealous swipes at Sarah-Jane over her past relationship with The Doctor can go die in a deep vat of spitting hot oil. Now I’m no longer a teen, Rose’s behavior isn’t relatable. It’s bitchy, needy and shows she defines herself through her romantic and sexual relationships with men. Her digs at other women can fuck right on off. Give it a rest already, RTD!

Ben: Yes, I agree. I understand there’s going to be some turbulence in having an old companion meet a current companion, but this whole ex-girlfriend meeting the new girlfriend-esque bickering is just immature.

Maureen: It’s sexist, thoughtless writing and it can go die in a hole. I suspect the only reason such scenes were includes in School Reunion were to reinforce to the viewer how important and special Rose is and how her and Ten have twu-love to move mountains or some such shit. I was relieved when Sarah-Jane and Rose finally bonded towards the end of the episode, even if their bonding was still in relation to The Doctor.

Ben: Onwards! Poor Mickey is still far too attached to Rose. His realisation that he’s basically the K9 of the Ten/Rose/Mickey trio was apt, considering he ends up being about as useful as K9. And K9 doesn’t make snide remarks about how Rose should lay off the chips if she wants to keep The Doctor…

Maureen: Yeah, that was a low moment from Mickey. Every time he redeems himself, he does or says something petty and jealous to try and win Rose back. Unappealing! Ten and Mickey arguing about Mickey being afraid of dead rats echoed the bickering of Sarah-Jane and Rose and was just as irritating. Stop trying to one-up each other, folks! It’s turning into Doctor Who Eastenders!

Ben: Now, having not watched any of Classic Who I’m not at all familiar with the character of Sarah-Jane Smith, but from the moment she laid eyes on the TARDIS I was invested. The emotional journey she goes through this episode is compelling, to say the least.

Maureen: I’d seen bits of Baker/Sarah-Jane here and there. Sarah-Jane reminded me in this episode of Harriet Jones in how she goes undercover as a journalist to dig up an alien plot. I enjoyed her spunk. When she realises Ten is a Doctor you feel her unresolved trauma and pain.

Sarah-Jane: I waited for you and I thought you’d died. You didn’t come back… did I do something wrong coz you just dumped me? You were my life.

Aside: echoes of Amy Pond? But this speech serves to remind the viewer of the alien danger of The Doctor. He’s alluring, yes, but time marches on and so must he. He ditches Sarah-Jane for Aberdeen, Scotland and doesn’t mention her again (or at least he hasn’t to Rose).

Ben: This reunion has re-opened some old and deep wounds. And this is something we’ve seen before, with The Doctor leaving mess after mess behind after he’s done saving the day. The Doctor really isn’t that great at follow ups. At least Sarah Jane gets the ending she deserves from the start – finally she can move on with her life. She is offered the chance to travel with The Doctor, but instead she’s going to start living for herself.

Maureen: I wasn’t a fan of the ending’s implication that Sarah-Jane is this sexless, love-lorn Doctor fan-girl, but I liked that she said no to further TARDIS travel and like Martha and later Amy decided to stop waiting.

The Doctor

Ben: My first impression of this episode is that if I hear The Doctor say the word ‘physics’ again it’ll be too soon. The second impression I got was how creepy kids who know things they shouldn’t are. Answering physics questions in a deadpan voice is not quite ‘twins playing in a hotel corridor’ levels of creepy, but it’s up there. And then Sarah-Jane Smith comes along and sweeps The Doctor off his feet! It’s not often we get to see The Doctor dumbfounded, but it was well worth it. Their second meeting was just as emotionally charged, but this time they’re on equal footing; this John Smith really is /her/ John smith.

Maureen: This episode showed the beginning of Ten’s real descent into the last of the Time Lord’s lonely God damage. Take this conversation between him and Rose:

Rose Tyler: I’ve been to the year five million, but this, this is really seeing the future- you just leave us behind! Is that what you’re going to do to me?
The Doctor: No. Not you.
Rose Tyler: But, Sarah Jane- you were that close to her once, and now… you never even mention her. Why not?
The Doctor: I don’t age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone you…
Rose Tyler: What, Doctor?
The Doctor: You can spend the rest of your life with me. But I can’t spend the rest of mine with you. I have to live on, alone. That’s the curse of the Timelords.

It makes one wonder what The Doctor would have done with Rose had the Series Two finale not happened!

Ben: The Doctor’s confrontation with the leader of the Krillitane, Mr Finch, was quite charged, and then he gives The Doctor the chance to join with him! I guess with the power of this God Maker plus a Time Lord they’ll be able to rule the universe or something.

Maureen: Yeah, I was pretty confused at Mr Finch’s motivations at this point too. My notebook simply says, ‘huh? O.K.’ On the plus side, Anthony Head was great as Mr Finch and delivered his lines so beautifully I didn’t care I couldn’t figure his character out.

Mr Finch: Your people were peaceful to the point of indolence.
Ten: I used to have so much mercy.

Ben: Luckily Sarah-Jane has wise words of wisdom to say about how everything has to move on, and that pain and suffering is part of existing, and The Doctor snaps out of his daydream and smashes a tv screen.

Sarah-Jane: No. The universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it’s a world, or a relationship… Everything has its time. And everything ends.

It’s all very dramatic and doesn’t make much sense. I’m not entirely sure what this episode was trying to focus on? I definitely think it was a case of biting off more than they can chew. Why not focus on The Doctor struggling with the idea of being in control of this God Maker code? Now that would have been an interesting episode. Anyways this episode ends with the Doctor finally saying a proper goodbye to Sarah Jane Smith and presenting her with a new and improved K9. Shame he didn’t change the voice too. To say K9’s voice grates on the ears is an understatement.

The Alien of the Week

Ben: Even though you know the principal is up to No Good, we’re left with more questions than answers for the first chunk of School Reunion. E.g. Surely you’d find a more secure way to transport a mysterious dangerous substance than a rickety old trolley; why the obsession with the chips? And finally, why are kids frantically mashing keyboards whilst staring blankly at creepy green screens while dramatic music plays in the background? Oh, and why are the kids freakishly smart, I guess.

Maureen: I thought the freakishly smart thing was explained! It was because of what was in the lunch chips! And the kids were mashing keyboards to break the Skasis Paradigm. Because aliens had reasons?

Ben: After some creepy night-time investigating the gang discovers that these mysterious aliens are in fact Krillitanes – an alien race that takes on traits of races they conquer. And they’re doing something to the children in the school! Other than eating them, as we saw in the intro. I had a couple of issues with the evil plot these Krillitane have come up with, particularly how well integrated the Principal is after being on Earth for all of three months? He knows about orphanages and the Sunday Times, and how to successfully make small talk with a journalist. Their nefarious scheme to crack the Skasis Paradigm – the God Maker – didn’t really make sense to me. How exactly are these schoolkids cracking it? All it looks like they’re doing is mashing their keyboards while a weird green screen of technobabble flashes in front of them. Plus, I take issue with the fact that they need kids to do it because they need their imagination. Plenty of adults have great imaginations and pure souls, or whatever else the Doctor thinks they need. And if it was such an easy thing to crack, this code to the universe, surely the Time Lords would have done it ages ago.

Maureen: The Skasis Paradigm thing was so much what?!? A mcguffin if ever I watched one!

Ben: Anyways, the way they’re defeated is very Superman and kryptonite – the aliens have changed their own physiology so much that oil native to their planet is now toxic to them. Sure. And for some reason they explode so violently upon contact with this oil the schoolkids think the school has been blown up and celebrate. It’s a very strange ending.

Maureen: It was a very noisy ending that doesn’t stand up to much scrutiny, that’s for sure!

Final Thoughts

Ben: Overall, this was a very average episode of Doctor Who. I loved Sarah Jane Smith’s arc, I hated the frenetic keyboard smashing the kids did when they were hacking the universe. But overall it was just a bit too… vague for me. It felt like they came up with the idea of wanting a Sarah Jane episode and then shoehorned the rest to fit. I dunno, maybe the script needed another round of refinement. And less K9. I liked a lot of individual ideas in this episode, but the coming together left a lot to be desired. I’m giving it a 5/10.

Maureen: The overall episode tone reminded me of another RTD penned script in a crime show called Touching Evil. The elements just didn’t come together and whether intentional or otherwise, hints of nastiness bled in the script to make the episode mean. I feel like the same thing happened with School Reunion. Bringing Sarah Jane back was a great idea, but RTD ran into trouble with the Ten/Rose ship and explaining Sarah Jane’s meaning to The Doctor which led to un-neccessary female to female nastiness. And I agree Mr Finch’s plan made little sense. 6/10 inky stars

The Pre-Title Sequence

Ben: This was a bit of a different way to start an episode! Completely unlike any other episode so far in New Who, it actually reminded me a lot of BBC Merlin. I don’t think it’s explained how these identical men in orange came to be but watching them fight was pretty cool. And then we end with a mysterious unseen horror in a cage (cue the screaming, please!) It’s good stuff.

Maureen: It was very Robert Downey Jnr Sherlock Holmes, except the first film in that franchise came out 2009! Remember, Doctor Who did it first! It’s a crazy, monk-fighter-filled, out-there opening, and is the sort that can only happen on a sci-fi show like this one.

The Companion/s

Ben: My favourite episodes of Doctor Who are the ones where the companion gets to do something of importance other than look pretty and get rescued from a state of distress.

Maureen: Superficially interrupting Ben to say that I did enjoy Rose’s hair, make-up and costume this episode. It was so early 2000s, I remember the Dolly and Girlfriend magazine ‘how to’ get bleached blonde beach-scrunched hair articles that tried to teach me to get hair looking pretty similar to stars like Billie Piper in this episode.

Ben: Right, well, this episode goes right to the top because Rose gets shit done! Not only does Rose get to make jokes at the Queen’s expense, she also bonds with one of the Help and begins her own investigations.

Maureen: I swear there is a theme with Rose! She is a better companion and character in episodes where she bonds with the help! True, Rose does get kidnapped with most of the Torchwood Institute household –

Ben: Yeah, but she also questions the werewolf, learns its’ motives, and rallies the people trapped with her in an escape attempt. Her questions were intelligent, and I absolutely loved the Bad Wolf callback. The line about Rose burning like the sun, while the werewolf needs the moon is such excellent Doctor Who.

Maureen: I really liked that quote too. I got chills.

Host: Look, inside your eyes, you’ve seen it too!
Rose: Seen what?
Host: The wolf, there’s something of the wolf about you!
Rose: I don’t know what you mean.
Host: You burnt like the sun, but all I require is the moon!

Rose really showed herself to have a back-bone this episode. She literally saw The Captain ripped to shreds by the wolf in front of her eyes, and didn’t lose her head, even as we saw (curtesy of Billie’s acting chops) that Rose was upset and probably more than a wee bit traumatised.

I also quite enjoyed Rose’s interactions with Queen Victoria and The Doctor in trying to get Queen Vic to say her infamous line. Take this exchange for example:

Rose: [after meeting Queen Victoria] I wanted to hear her say, “We are not amused.” Bet you five quid I can get her to say it.
The Doctor: Taking that bet would be an abuse of my responsibilities as a traveller in time.
Rose: Ten quid?
The Doctor: Done.

Or:

Queen Victoria: And please excuse the naked girl.
Rose: Sorry.
The Doctor: She’s a feral child. I bought her for sixpence in old London Town. It’s was her or the Elephant Man, so…
Rose: Thinks he’s funny but I’m so not amused.

This is one of the few times The Tenth Doctor and Rose dynamic worked for me, and I think it was down to the light-hearted humerous tone of many of their exchanges as well as the way both helped the other to get to the bottom of the episode’s mystery and save The Queen (Rose was wearing a shirt featuring a crown, after all).

Ben: I was most amused by the presence of Queen Victoria in this episode. She had quite a sensible head on her, which is a refreshing change for characters in Doctor Who. RTD portrayed her quite well as a veritable force of nature, unfazed by the circumstances she’s found herself in. I loved the old English, and her manner of speech; the actress did a stellar job. Nothing showed this better than the speech she gives at dinner about missing her husband, and how she finds tales of the supernatural comforting for it gives her the hope of being able to contact her husband.

Maureen: I loved that speech too. I tried to get it down, but missed 90% of it. It’s not on imdb or Planet Clare either which is a real shame.

Ben: I have to say, Queen Vic handles the unexpected intrusion of the supernatural into her world like a champ. Her declaration that this world where werewolves are real is not her world is not one of denial, but defiance: declaring she’d rather die than have the werewolf bite her. Of course, in the end there’s a bit of ambiguity as to whether or not the wolf did bite her before it met its’ end, but what’s the fun in a clean ending? She does have have what I see as the most sensible response to an encounter with the Doctor: she rewards them and then banishes them, wanting nothing to do with them ever again. Her final speech to the two of them was spine tingling, and foreboding as hell! Plus she got to drop some serious truth bombs on Rose and the Doctor about their attitude to dangerous situations. This is a different Queen Victoria to the one we see at the start of the episode who welcomes tales of the supernatural. She’s seen there’s a bigger, scarier world out there, a world that Great Britain needs defending from. So, she establishes Torchwood to do just that! Harriet Jones would be proud.

Maureen: I know right!?! Harriet and Queen Vic actually have a lot in common as characters who lead Britain. Nice comparison. I loved the bit where she pulled out a gun, Sally Lockhart style, and tells her enemies, ‘the correct form of address is Your Majesty.’ It was very last-stand Harriet Jonesy. I also enjoyed her telling Rose and The Doctor off as she banished them. It was about time someone pointed out to those two they were living a suicide wish.

Queen Victoria: You may think on this also: that I am not amused. Not remotely amused. And henceforth, I banish you.
The Doctor: I’m sorry?
Queen Victoria: I have rewarded you, Sir Doctor. And now you’re exiled from this empire, never to return. I don’t know what you are, the two of you, or where you’re from. But I know that you consort with stars and magic and think it fun. But your world is steeped in terror and blasphemy and death. And I will not allow it. You will leave these shores and you will reflect, I hope, on how you came to stray so far from all that is good. And how much longer you may survive this terrible life. Now leave my world. And never return.

The Doctor

Ben: We see again in this episode that The Doctor just cannot drive the TARDIS to save his life, but on the bright side David Tennant gets to use his Scottish accent, which was excellent.

Maureen: He also got to be informed by Rose that he was a big, old punk with a hint of rockabilly which did make me snort-laugh. David Tennant did speak so fast when he spoke to Queen Vic he lost me once or twice, but it’s a minor quibble. This episode, for me, was the first time Ten felt like The Doctor. Aside: it also helped that Tennant looked kind of young and… whispers… hot this episode.

Ben: Hit the decks everyone! Inkashlings just admitted Ten is hot! Anyway, for the first half of the episode he really only does general Doctoring, asking leading questions and generally having a fun time. But once the werewolf appears the fun really starts. I loved the parallel storylines in this episode. As one party (e.g. Rose) is learning about the werewolf and it’s motives by coming face to face with it, so too is the Doctor, but in another scene with Queen Vic. This is repeated in the discovery of the mistletoe. It was a great little trick of storytelling that meant everyone got some great moments of action and reaction. But I digress, back to the story at hand! The Doctor, upon learning the story of the jewel Her Majesty carries, has his Eureka moment of the episode. However, I found his resolution was a bit dumb. Sir Robert’s father and Queen Victoria’s husband, having foreseen this day would come, cut the jewel down to use it as a prism through which to focus moonlight into a weapon to destroy the werewolf? And in the end the jewel doesn’t even fit into the telescope that’s not a telescope, the Doctor just throws it into the moonlight the telescope has beamed onto the floor? And the jewel somehow focuses such a strong beam of moonlight that it physically pushes the werewolf up against the wall? And surely Prince Albert and The Doctor should have filled Queen Victoria in on this little plan of theirs, too. It’s just polite to let the person you’re using as bait in your trap know what’s going on.

Maureen: I wasn’t bothered by the silliness of the plot resolution. It was all very Hound of the Baskervilles atmostpheric and that suited me just fine. I was there for the character drama, not a sensible plot. But also, I’m a bit of a sucker for cursed jewel penny dreadful-esque stories and late night Victorian era hauntings. Finally, the resolution was very Classic era Who with everyone contributing to the werewolf’s defeat. And using books!!!

The Doctor: Books! Best weapons in the world!

The Alien/s of the Week

Ben: I loved this Doctor Who twist on the tale of the werewolf, of an alien life form that inhabits human bodies and moves between them with a bite. The scene between the human form and Rose had great tension, and I particularly enjoyed the scene at dinner of Sir Robert relaying the myth of the wolf that haunts the region. Paired with the head of the religious order doing his Latin chanting in the background it really did remind me of the scene in The Empty Child episodes with the typewriter. It’s a good horror scene, for sure.

RTD really leaned into showing how lethal this werewolf is, with the imperviousness to bullets and the way it cut through Sir Robert and his men like a hot knife through butter, the threat was very real. I did, however, find the scene in the study somewhat redundant; we already knew of the comet and the monastery from the myth Sir Robert relayed at dinner, and of the werewolf’s motives from Rose, so this confirmation felt a bit unnecessary. I had some issues with the special effects used on the werewolf, but I did appreciate they tried to go for a less-is-more approach with it killing people. I also wasn’t a huge fan of the way it was defeated, but honestly the rest was so good I can mostly forgive it. Overall, I really enjoyed what they did with the werewolf, but I would have maybe liked to see a bit more about the religious order that formed up around it. Maybe something for a future episode to explore?

Maureen: I do agree with you there, Ben. I was a bit confused about the role of the monks in the story, why they’d formed and when. Otherwise, I didn’t have a problem with the werewolf SFX. It was 2006 and the less-is-more approach meant you didn’t see much of it. The scene with The Captain eaten was actually rather Penny Dreadful before Penny Dreadful existed.

Final Thoughts

Ben: I thoroughly enjoyed this romp of a Doctor Who episode. It started off strong and kept up the good work right through the episode. I enjoyed the reinvention of the myth of the werewolf, I loved Queen Victoria, and I loved that Rose and the other’s got substantial moments to themselves this episode. I had a few issues with the special effects and such, but nothing I can’t forgive. I’m giving it a 9/10.

Maureen: I loved this episode too. I mean, I am a sucker for period piece Who, but even putting that aside there was a lot to love. It was definitely an ensemble episode with some great performances from David Tennant, Billie Piper and the lady playing Queen Victoria. I’m also giving this 9/10 inky stars.

Can you sense the fan fic yet?

The Pre-Title Sequence

Maureen: Ok, Ok, I may be a softie, but I never get bored of a new Doctor and companions excitement as they navigate the universe. Take this exchange:

Rose: Where are we going?
Ten: Where we’ve never ever been.

Stop right there, RTD. No further hook needed.

Ben: I liked that Mickey and Jackie got a proper goodbye from Rose in this opening! None of this vanishing for a year business again. Although Mickey is back on the loving Rose bandwagon, despite his revelation last season that Rose was bad for him.

Maureen: Ah Mickey. What a wasted companion. I’m so glad Moffat essentially fix it fic’d Mickey through Rory! I found it terribly sad that Jackie walked away from The TARDIS before Mickey did. And I know that this isn’t what RTD intended, but the shot of Ten and Rose in the TARDIS with big grins and The Doctor caressing his console made me more sad rather than exultant.

The Companion

Ben: ‘Cassandra Rose’ is the best incarnation of Rose in my opinion, but only because of Billie’s acting. The Rose at the start of the episode was just horribly sappy and making love heart eyes at the Doctor. Her makeup was full on, and her outfit was pretty booby too, definite fanfic material.

Maureen: I don’t think that the overbearing make-up and the sexy clothing is a problem. I think the issue is that RTD was trying to objectify Rose in this story line. He wanted her to be noticed as an object of lust. I mean, why else have the wet shower scene (which if you are still in doubt about the intention of this scene, also featured bonus wind behind Rose’s billowing hair like she was in a shampoo ad)? But while Rose can be an object of lust, she can’t be overtly sexual, because that detracts from her as the personification of the perfect woman Mary Sue. Perfect women are young virgins, remember? They aren’t allowed to feel sexy and wield that sexuality. Hence why so many people complained about Amy Pond. How dare a companion wear short skirts? (But this is a rant for another post… see my Doctor Who and feminism essays if you’re interested). Anyway, from the episode’s opening where The Doctor and Rose lie in apple grass, I got the impression RTD was trying too hard to force Ten/Rose down the viewer’s throats.

Ben: Really, the whole body-swapping storyline with Cassandra was pretty silly.

Maureen: Come on, it show cased some great acting from both Billie Piper and Zoe Wanamaker, but you have a point. Really the body-swapping was just another excuse to paint Rose for the viewer as someone worthy of earning The Doctor’s love. ‘Cassandra Rose’ even unbuttons Rose’s shirt to showcase Billie’s breasts to the viewer as much as to The Doctor. This actually made me start to feel uncomfortable in terms of the level of male gaze happening on screen.

Ben: Rose was surprisingly mean to Cassandra in their first meeting! I guess considering their prior encounter that makes sense.

Maureen: Yeah, but what is with the trend of Rose being bitchy to any other woman The Doctor comes across? This too is starting to make me uncomfortable. I get Rose is an immature teen, but fuck, she is really needy and jealous and yet the show still paints her as a perfect woman. Just… yuck.

The Doctor

Ben: The Doctor was, I guess, in standard Doctor form this episode? Although I’m not liking how preachy this one is. I know Nine had his moments too, but he was always banging on about how humanity can be so much better than it is. Ten is just holier-than-thou.

Maureen: It’s so weird. Sometimes Ten is great; full of wild zanyness and mad cap schemes (as in most of The Christmas Invasion) and other times he’s this annoying, sanctimonious, mansplainy brat. He was the latter this episode and more’s the pity.

Ben: The scenes with the Duke of Manhattan were pretty funny though, with his overwrought walking disclaimer of an assistant interacting with Ten. And then the foreshadowing with the Face of Boe – that he’ll impart a great secret to The Doctor at the moment of his death was intriguing. But that all ended rather disappointingly too. Boe was literally there to be foreshadow-y. Boo.

But as soon as The Doctor stops having fun wandering around and figures out The Sisters of Plentitude’s plan he gets preachy. This is the same Doctor I hated in The Christmas Invasion, who didn’t like what Harriet Jones did to protect the Earth and punished her for it.

Maureen: I couldn’t agree with you more, Ben! My note on the big reveal scene is ‘ah. Sanctimonious Doctor returns to mansplain to cat lady alien.’ That’s not to say The Sisters of Plentitude were necessarily right to create lab rat humans, but I feel like in reality, the situation was far more nuanced than The Doctor wanted to believe. I felt RTD also copped out badly by scripting that the ‘lab rats’ could understand what had been done to them. Would The Doctor still have been the big hero if they hadn’t understood a thing? Let’s move on…

Ben: Just like with Rose, Cassandra taking over The Doctor’s body was pure fanfic material. Suddenly the Doctor is all slim and foxy and flirting the house down.

Maureen: Ha! I loved the ‘oh baby. I’m beating out a samba,’ line. My note on the line was, ‘how very fifty shades of grey.’

Ben: And then we get to the really, truly awful resolution to the plague-ridden humans. The Doctor soaks himself with intravenous cures for every disease in the galaxy, and somehow through the magic of touch, the lab rat humans manage to spread these cures among themselves without using intravenous methods? At least The Doctor gets to make an emotional speech about saving the day and creating new life and whatnot. Hooray for him.

Maureen: I love the whole intravenous meds thing. I mean how easy would that plot-hole have been to fix? Delete the word intravenous and the episode’s denouement would have been right as rain! Also, I’m going to quote my notes again because they are a bit funny…

Maureen’s notebook: The Doctor disinfects the lab rat humans bathed in a sea of light. The start of Doctor deification? Fuck off! Also, Ten’s speech delivery gets on my tits. He sounds like a mansplaining dick.

Also, re the Face of Boe telling The Doctor that he learnt to look at the universe anew thanks to him, I penned, ‘enough with the deification.’

Ben: The Doctor does do a nice thing by taking Cassandra inhabiting Chip’s dying body back in time to meet the real Cassandra so she can be the last person to tell herself she looks beautiful before dramatically passing away. But to be honest, I though this was just a ploy for Cassandra to take over young Cassandra’s body and live her merry life again. All in all, a very fanfic ending to a fanfic heavy episode.

Maureen: I didn’t mind the ending, but more on that later…

The Alien/s of the Week

Ben: The Sisters of Plentitude started off well; mysterious cat doctors who could treat any illness. And then things took a turn for the worst when The Doctor discovers the Sisters use artificially grown humans as test subjects. I had hoped RTD would go further down the ethics and philosophy road with this story line. Yes, the Sisters have cured the incurable, but at what cost? And these artificial humans, this flesh that they’ve grown, what is it that gives them consciousness? How do they have speech and reasoning if they’ve lived their whole life in isolation? We get a bit of that thanks to Cassandra, when she goes into one of the flesh and realises they just want to be touched, but that’s it.

Maureen: I wonder if this episode would have worked better as a two-parter? That might have given more space to the cat nurses as well as the Cassandra body swap story line? In terms of Cassandra, I’ve always enjoyed Zoe Wanamaker as an actress. She’s great as Ariadne Oliver in Poirot. I especially enjoyed her end scenes, where she got to play a Cassandra with humanity thanks to her Gaimanesque friend, Chip. She is able to tell her younger self she is very beautiful. Also, Zoe can be very funny. I loved her delivery in the below:

Cassandra on Rose: The dirty, blonde assassin!

Final Thoughts

Ben: Look, I hated this episode. It started off strong, if a little fanfic-esque, and then completely went off the rails. The solution was plain bad. For starters, intravenous medication needs to be applied into the veins! It’s not a topical skin cream! Medicine doesn’t work like that! And the fan fic elements were overbearing, Rose didn’t get to do anything of significance, other than act as a vessel for Cassandra, and this new Doctor just isn’t impressing me. It’s a 0/10 for me.

Maureen: Wow, that’s harsher than I’d go. I agree with you, but I think we need to acknowledge how wonderful Billie’s acting was in this. It can’t have been easy playing herself played by someone else played by herself! Zoe Wanamaker is always good value too. Finally, I quite liked the end scene with Cassandra. It’s not enough to salvage the sexist overtones and The Doctor playing the sanctimonious arsehat card though, so it’s a 1/10 inky stars from me.