Pre-Title Sequence

Ben: As is usual with these two-parters, the pre-title sequence was a recap of the previous episode, ending with the ominous words from Rose of the excellent eyebrows – “this is how I die.” Onwards!

Maureen: Much drama! Also, clever cop out that doesn’t feel like a cheat, RTD!

The Companion/s

Ben: Rose pulls some excellent stunts when facing down the Daleks – standing up to them and name-dropping the Time War in the process. That did take nerve. She was pretty badass when she dropped the bombshell that not only is The Doctor in the building, but that she met and killed the Dalek Emperor!

Maureen: This was probably my favourite part of the episode. Rose did have courage and backbone. Too often she allowed herself to be defined by her relationship with The Doctor instead of her own strengths which is why she grew to annoy me as a companion. Still, didn’t mind her here. I also dug her in this exchange:

Dalek: Which of you is least important?
Rose: No. We don’t work that way.

Though I have to admit, the Daleks sucking the Torchwood lackey’s brain cells to kill him was not a sight for the kiddies (or for me. How scary!)

Ben: Of course, there’s the obligatory awkward conversation between her and Mickey who’s acting more like Ricky. Though that does turn out to be a rather juicy conversation – Rose correctly deducts that they need time energy to activate the Genesis Ark, and Mickey foreshadows an important feature of the time travel devices – they can only carry one person. Rose doesn’t do much more until the end of the episode, and I honestly wasn’t prepared for how traumatic that ended up being. It’s a lot to get thrown on you in one hit – The Doctor’s saving the day and part of the plan is you leaving and never existing in the same reality as the Doctor ever again. I mean, The Doctor has been her life for two years or so, but even then she chose The Doctor over her own mum! That’s young love for you. I’m sure inkashlings will have better words for this part, I’m no good with the emotional stuff

Maureen: I have such a weird relationship with this ending. I alternate between love and hate every few years. I like that Rose is stubborn and determined in her youth and she foregoes safety for love. Back in the parallel universe I don’t mind the goodbye scene, even if I was like ‘omg hurry up and spit it out, Ten. Are you trying to while away precious seconds?’ I actually think my irritation with the Rose thing is because of what came after in terms of her continued impact on story and The Doctor’s relationships with his new companions. I wish she’d been left on that beach to discover her abilities with Torchwood, tragic but able, courageous and wise about aliens, her future left to the viewer’s imaginations and the show able to move on. Alas, that’s not what happened so I’ll move on …

Ben: Billie Piper sure did pull out all the stops when it came to the emotional scenes at the end of this episode. Talk about an emotional gut punch! There were some powerful, swoon-worthy lines said about collapsing universes and not caring if it meant they could be together. And of course, their goodbye happened in Bad Wolf Bay. Even re-watching this scene to write the review has me tearing up, the way Rose’s last words to the Doctor end up being her declaration of love for him. Oof.

Maureen: I shed a tear this re-watch. I cannot deny it. Billie Piper is a brilliant actress, which certainly helps, and I think one of her strengths are these kind of high melodrama scenes.

Ben: On to Jackie. She had a rough time of things. First she doesn’t know what’s happened to Rose and then she faces being turned into a cyberman. Even worse, she sees the Torchwood lady getting turned into a cyberman too!

Maureen: I’ve never listed it in order before, but by jove Ben, you’re right. I wonder how much therapy Jackie needs now? In the parallel universe is she like Katniss in the conclusion of The Hunger Games? Is it Pete that talks her through the nightmares when she can’t sleep? Someone write the fic!

Ben: YEAH AND THEN AFTER ALL OF THAT she sees her husband basically return from the dead! It was a very sweet moment, that reunion. It’s really nice to see the development to Jackie’s character. When we first met her, she was a bit of a caricature. But she gets something of a happy ending! The Tyler’s reunited again, with another Tyler on the way!

Maureen: I think Jackie came into her own in the second part of this season and surprisingly, it was Love and Monsters that helped me to understand her behavior the most. When she says to Pete she never loved anyone but him it’s true in its way. She may have had one night stands with men, but they meant nothing to her beyond the physical. I think Jackie has changed with Rose away and Pete dead. She nagged too much. She shouted too much. She cared about the superficial too much, but it was to try to fill the emptiness within. Perhaps adventures with The Doctor and Rose have helped her to get some priorities sorted. I also love the symmetry of Pete dying in our world and Jackie dying in Pete’s world and I too found their reunion sweet.

The Doctor

Ben: In a different move for The Doctor … for a big part of this episode he’s just a spectator! First, he’s held captive by the cybermen, and then after he’s rescued from them, he’s taken back to Parallel Earth! Back on Earth II we get the low down on how the cybermen made their way over to Earth thanks to Pete Tyler – plus the interesting little easter egg that Harriet Jones is the President in this reality. And then! Then we’re off to the races!

Maureen: Yes, you’re right, but I think this was a general tool of RTD when he wrote finale’s anyway. He did like to throw the kitchen sink aka every guest star and big threat and reference into his finales which by necessity meant character’s had to take turns to take a backseat. Sometimes the RTD approach worked and sometimes it didn’t. I think it was fine this finale.

Ben: Hmmm. About halfway through the episode, The Doctor makes alliances with Cybermen and tries to get Earth II Pete Tyler to rescue Jackie even though she’s not his Jackie. Anyways, The Doctor serves some sick burns to the Daleks before attempting to drop a cyberman augmented trap on their heads. Shame it didn’t quite work out.

Maureen: Haha there were so many Doctor and Rose Dalek directed sick burns. Those two were on fire! Also, plus points to RTD for fitting in some humorous Ten/Rose banter.

Ten: How are ya?
Rose: Oh, so so.

And:

Rose: Which one’s shiver?
Ten: I’m shake.

Ben: And then we get to The Doctor’s master plan. Tricky, this void stuff, although I’m not entirely sure how the Daleks who were trapped inside the Genesis Ark got covered in it. Surely Time Lord technology isn’t that leaky. But still, it’s a good plan, and I’m being nit-picky.

Maureen: I gave up on following whys and wherefores and enjoyed the character stuff. I have a theory about TV drama actually. I think you can break plot rules, or you can break established characterizations or you can break with tone, but not all at the same time and two is pushing it. I’m also more forgiving of plot when the script has something true to say about character. So basically, I didn’t care about the plot mcguffin get out of jail reasoning because I was enjoying the character stuff too much to care.

Ben: The Doctor should have seen Rose being non-compliant from a mile off re his plan to tackle the Daleks alone. I mean he’s traveled with her for two years or so by this point! I understand he’s doing it for noble reasons, but still.

Maureen: Yeah, it was kinda funny how easy it was for Rose to reverse that plan. Like, did The Doctor and Rose’s family seriously think she wouldn’t press the button and go straight back? She isn’t stupid.

The Alien of the Week

Ben: Cybermen AND Daleks! The shark has truly been jumped this week. For starters, how did the cyberman broadcast their face/background to all frequencies of the world without a camera? And like, the first time we see a Dalek, it downloaded all of the internet through a computer terminal, surely they could have done that instead of sucking the information out of the brain of a Torchwood agent.

Maureen: Ah, Ben, how do you think of these things? They never occur to me till you point them out.

Ben: The stand off between the Cybermen and the Daleks was pretty hilarious/petty.

Dalek: This is not war. This is pest control.

And

Dalek: You are better at dying.

And, it turns out these Daleks are of the Cult of Skaro! I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds impressive. And, thanks to Mickey touching it, the Genesis Ark was successfully activated! Anywho, we now we have all out war happening between the Daleks and the Cybermen, with all Cybermen units converging on Torchwood Tower. Which, considering how slowly they walk, is not really a threat the Daleks need to concern themselves with. And then, the grand reveal. The Time Lord technology that is the Genesis Ark? It’s a prison ship housing millions of Daleks. The wonders of Time Lord science. It’s a shame they didn’t get to enjoy their freedom long, on account of the Doctor opening a doorway to the Void and them all getting sucked in. But at least one of the Dalek’s of Skaro managed to sneakily temporal shift their way out of danger, living to fight another day.

Maureen: I love the concept of a Dalek cult. I wonder if Big Finish did something with this? Probably. PS: I found the Daleks scary when they killed Torchwood man, but the cyberman weren’t bad either. The bit where Torchwood’s leader repeats, “I did my duty,” over and over as they rewire her is really disturbing because the process is left up to your imagination. Poor Jackie having to watch! Like I said, so much therapy needed. And it was so sad when cyberman Torchwood leader repeats later, “I did my duty,” as a tear falls from her cyberman groove eye. I reckon if I’d been younger when this came out, I’d have been behind my sofa.

Final Thoughts

Ben: This was an excellent follow through from the previous episode. It had highs, lows, funny bits, sad bits. Everything you want in a Doctor Who episode, in fact! And! It redeemed the absolute wreck that was the two-parter that introduced the Cybermen. I was truly devastated to see Rose go in the end. Her and The Doctor had great chemistry. It’s a shame it never worked when they tried to introduce a third companion (with the exception of Captain Jack Harkness), but I guess they’re jealous lovers. But I digress. Their goodbye scene left me a wreck, only for the appearance of Donna Noble to whiplash me back to reality. In the end, I think I’ll give this a 10/10. Onwards to the Christmas Special!

Maureen: I’ll probably change my mind a year later, but I did enjoy this a lot this time around. It’s not this finale’s fault that Rose grew to outstay her welcome and that her ghost haunted the show to its detriment. Also, interesting thing. Someone was talking to me the other day about how New Doctor Who is way more fantasy than it is sci-fi and I agree with that, but I often see Eleven as fantasy archetype territory, rather than Ten. The whole dream sequence and final goodbye was something out of a fairy story. 10/10 inky stars

So what went down? Rose and The Doctor greet Jackie in her modern day London estate home, only to find out ghosts have been returning … only the footprints aren’t a boot and bam it’s another threat altogether. Plus bonus aggressive Torchwood (which feels oddly prescient on the topic of make Britain great again given Brexit) and non-Martha Freema Agyeman guest appearance episode.

The Pre-title Sequence

Ben: “Planet Earth – this is where I was born, and this is where I died.” What a dramatic way to open the first episode of this two-part finale! Although the number of humans who have died off earth you could probably count on one hand so like, Rose you’re not that special. Still, this recap was nice, and really adds to the inevitability of the tragedy about to unfold.

Maureen: Yep, I too was all, hello angstalicious Rose. But also, I love Billie. What an actress! So all is forgiven. But also, the below quote is stupid:

Rose: For the first nineteen years of my life, nothing happened at all. Nothing.

Enough with telling the viewer companions are nothing without The Doctor, RTD!

The Companions

Ben: Jackie was excellent in this season. I love how she’s developed as a character. She’s gone from flirting with The Doctor to stealing a kiss or two off him! And she’s pulling off double denim like the fashion icon she is. Apart from the few moments of ‘oh god she thinks her dead father is back from the dead is she going senile?’ Rose comments, Jackie is incredibly sharp this episode, calling out both The Doctor and Rose on their shenanigans. Rose gets the biggest smackdown, when Jackie says once she’s dead Rose will have nothing to return to earth for. The whole speech she gives describing this future version of Rose losing her humanity was pretty grim. But I get the feeling Rose would be fine with that outcome as long as she had The Doctor. And! Jackie gets to be the companion for a bit!

Ten: When Torchwood comes to write up my history, don’t mention I travelled with her mother.

Maureen: I love the transformation of Jackie Tyler. She started out as such an annoying whore style stereotype. I feel like the second half of this series has upped the characterisation stakes and made the core gang of The Doctor, Rose and Jackie all a lot more understandable in terms of motivation. I also liked the opening with Jackie where we see Rose wearing a back pack like she’s been travelling to another country rather than through space. Rose gifts Jackie a souvenir that tells the weather and Jackie doesn’t care because she’s too busy loving Rose so hard because she’s been worried. This felt like such a realistic little scene to me.

Ben: As to Rose, the Rose we get this episode is Rose at the peak of her companionship with the Doctor. Having not seen any of her run I imagine this is where Sarah Jane Smith was at when she was abandoned by The Doctor. Rose has learnt how to use the TARDIS’s equipment, investigate on her own, and thinks it’ll last forever. To be honest, in this first episode Jackie contributes more than Rose, but this is still an important part of her journey.

Maureen: I was struck by the great chemistry between Rose and The Doctor again. It’s not a ship that always works, but when it does, damn it’s a lot of fun. Billie and David have a lot of chemistry when the script doesn’t weigh them down with stupid jealousy sub-plots! I loved the Ghostbusters moment especially! I also enjoyed Rose having fun with psychic paper and having the whole thing backfire because Torchwood has training y’all. Also, lol at Rose thinking the ghosts could be Gelth related, The Doctor’s look and Rose’s subdued, cheeky smile as she says no.

Ben: Then this episode also introduces Yvonne of the fabulous hair – the leader of Torchwood and a woman who I imagine got on very well with Harriet Jones. Although her talk of British Empires and imperial tonnes was a bit concerning. Still, it’s nice to see a charismatic woman in power. Plus, it does take some nerve to call The Doctor out when he’s in his element, even if it is to tell him he’s gone left when he should have gone right. The Doctor does make some very valid points that you don’t need to poke every anomaly you find with a stick to see what happens, but this does come off as a bit sanctimonious and hypocritical when that’s exactly what The Doctor does on a regular basis.

Maureen: I loved the Torchwood stuff. Great call back to Queen Vic and of course she would have left instructions about The Doctor that were less than flattering! The scene were Yvonne and Torchwood lackeys cheer on The Doctor were so disconcerting and Ten was off-kilter completely. Yvonne was such a powerhouse CEO type, who genuinely believed she was doing the right thing for her country. I hated her morals, but she remained oddly likeable throughout the episode.

Ben: Finally, Mickey returns! I don’t know how he got through to this reality/got through early enough to get a position at Torchwood and work his way up the ranks to be working at what I would guess is one of their higher-level projects. He also felt more like Ricky than Mickey, and of course in his first sentence to Rose he calls her babe. Eww. Also, he barely even looks at Rose! War against the cybermen has changed him, and not necessarily for the better. He’s become like Rachel from Animorphs (which is a bit of an obscure reference these days, I know), a soldier who loves war. Also, how the hell did Mickey hide such a huge gun in what is supposedly such a secure building?

Maureen: I thought the point of Mickey replacing Rickey in the parallel universe was to give him a chance to become that stronger, more confident version of himself. ‘My name is Mickey. Mickey Smith. Defending the earth.’ I didn’t begrudge him his moment of limelight or think too hard about hows and wherefore’s, though I agree the babe was a bit much.

The Doctor

Ben: Another episode where The Doctor’s nowhere to be seen when something starts to go awry on Earth! Maybe Harriet Jones was onto something …

Maureen: Yes, this is why I really dug the Series Three finale back in the day. The Doctor was given some big consequences for his Harriet Jones holier-than-thou-even-tho-I’m-clearly-wrong actions.

Ben: Still, his “a footprint doesn’t look like a boot’ response to Jackie saying the ghosts look human was memorable.

Maureen: I thought it was rather poignant when Jackie describes the smell of her Dad and The Doctor and Rose reveal they can’t smell a thing. She’s wished her father onto the image of the ghost, which is deeply sad to me.

Ben: Anywho, we get some general Doctoring as Ten investigates the ghosts, paired with the usual technobabble. And then we get the debut of both allons-y and the usage of 3D glasses as he discovers the source of the ghosts! Now for a Bad Wolf reference and we’ll have bingo.

Maureen: I very much enjoyed Ten with his allons-y and 3d glasses and huge ass technology to trap ghosts with this episode. Holy shit, he be growing on me!

Ben: The Doctor’s demonstration at Torchwood Tower of what happened to the fabric of reality when the Void Ship came through was impressive, because even though I knew the glass was going to shatter I was still holding on to every word he said. Ten really does have a commanding charisma.

Maureen: I don’t always agree, but this second half of the series, Tennant has been superb. I thought he was pitch perfect in the scene you describe.

Ben: To nobody’s surprise it all goes to hell and there’s nothing The Doctor can do about it because this is part one of a finale. And we end the episode with The Doctor surrounded by cybermen! Not the best position to turn things around from!

The Alien of the Week

Ben: Ghosts! RTD really got the foreshadowing right this week, with the man on the television talking about the ‘military parade’ of ghosts at Westminster. I did love the little scene of Team TARDIS changing through the tv channels with ghost mania taking hold of the planet. I’m not sure how this psychic link is pulling the ghosts through, if they have that link then why the particle accelerators in Torchwood Tower?

Maureen: Damn it, Ben! I didn’t even think that plot hole through to know it was one. Why must you always pick up on these things?

Ben: Speaking of Torchwood Tower, the IM flirting between Not-Martha and Gareth was pretty cringeworthy. It definitely brought back memories of talking to people on MSN Messenger.

Maureen: It was very Renee Zellweger/Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones Diary!

Ben: But the payoff was worth it as we got the reveal of the real alien of the week – the cybermen are back!

Maureen: How cool was the Freema scream as she faced off a cyberman. That must have been so fun to act, and just so iconic too.

Ben: How no one noticed Not-Martha and Gareth were looking like total douchebags with ear pieces in both ears is beyond me. The dramatic music that played every time they did something cybermen related was a bit heavy handed – I kept having to turn my headphones down whenever it played.

Maureen: Ah yes, the beginning of Murry Gold being played up to eleven every time something dramatic is happening because we idiotic audience members won’t know it’s dramatic UNLESS THE MUSIC IS VERY LOUD DUM DUM DUM.

Ben: It’s a bit of a nit-picky point, but I also found the dramatic scene with the levers rather annoying – the idea of having physical levers to activate something is so that if something goes wrong software wise you still have a way of shutting things off. There shouldn’t be a way for the levers to be moving by themselves! But maybe there’s cybermen shenanigans involved in that somehow. Also, Torchwood doesn’t have any armed guards in this room, the room containing their most important project? Or any meaningful fail safes?

Maureen: I didn’t think about this at the time, but maybe it’s a sign of the Torchwood hubris at play. Yvonne and Co. are so cocksure of themselves and their ability to fend off invasions and things going wrong, they figure they don’t need extra security and fail safes because no one could ever get that far.

Ben: Hmm, another thing I don’t understand is the random cut to the tv channels discussing the increase in ghost activity after the cybermen activate the ghost shift. There was a police chief there! Those kind of press conferences don’t just happen instantaneously. And the time it took for the ghosts to appear/manifest as cybermen wasn’t that long a time.

Maureen: Eh, I’m not sure I follow you here. I thought the reason for the news stations and the chief of police was because there was an unusual increase in ghost activity. The police commissioner was on air to reassure the public everything was fine, but then the cybermen attack and it’s obvious things aren’t fine. I kind of enjoyed these scenes and the scenes of cybermen mayhem. If I’d been a little kid, this would have been hide behind my sofa scary!

Ben: And then we have the mysterious sphere in the basement of Torchwood Tower, that gets in your head and doesn’t seem to exist. Of course, The Doctor knows what it is instantly – it’s a Void Ship. A ship that exists outside of time and space. So, kinda like a TARDIS but not. And surprise, surprise, it’s packed full of Daleks! It doesn’t do much this episode but loom threateningly over everyone, but it was a great B-plot.

Maureen: And now Rose, Mickey and random Torchwood lackey are trapped in a sealed room with hundreds of Daleks! How will they escape??? What an old school, classic cliff hanger. Love it.

Ten: It’s not an invasion. It’s too late for that. It’s a victory.

Final Thoughts

Ben: I absolutely loved this episode. I don’t know what else to say beyond what I’ve already written. I’m giving this episode a 9/10.

Maureen: Aside from Mickey’s ‘babe’ moment and The Doctor sniping at Jackie in a rather ageist way, I enjoyed this immensely. Enough that I didn’t notice half of the plot holes Ben has pointed out in this review! I’m giving this 9 outta 10 inky stars too and am mad keen for next week.

Can you tell I’m an evil, mad villain?

The Opening Titles

Ben: The first episode’s pre-title sequence was hammy. It gave me strong ‘overacting villain from a James Bond movie’ vibes. The John Lumic character was chewing the scenery something awful, and I found the music to be very obtrusive. I know that music is used to help encourage the right emotional reaction out of the audience, but I feel like it was being used like a blunt weapon in this instance. The pre-title sequence for Age of Steel was, as usual for multi episode arcs, a recap. And honestly, a much better telling of the events of the previous episode than the episode itself.

Maureen: I have to agree with you, Ben. My only notebook comment re Lumic beyond how irritatingly over-the-top his voice and acting is, was this is an unfortunate representation of disability. But also, it occurred to me later that the cybermen info dump was kinda stupid. Wouldn’t suspense have been so much better if the audience hadn’t known about cybermen involvement till Jackie Tyler? I feel like all the surprise in the episode was undone by the opening sequence.

The Companion/s

Ben: After liking Rose so much last episode, I was disappointed to see she’s back on the treating Mickey like dirt bandwagon.

Maureen: I give up on Rose. She’s a bloody awful companion. Poor Billie Piper getting stuck with her. The Rose/Ten dynamic completely doesn’t work whenever a third party is involved because the writers use this as an excuse for constant bickering, bitchiness and ugly jealousies. It’s sexist. It’s annoying. Stop it, show. God, I’m glad Mickey got a backbone this episode and walked for real. Rose deserved it.

Ben: In AU Britain, Rose wants to go and see her parents, and the Doctor whinges about that without giving a good explanation for why the hell not (in my opinion, at least).

Maureen: Nope. I’m with you, Ben. The whole time Ten whinged I was like, what? Shut-up.

Ben: I mean, Nine agreed to let Rose go into her past and see her real dad before he died, so what’s the harm in Rose visiting her parents in this alternative universe? She doesn’t exist in this universe, after all. Hell, if getting involved in parallel universes is such a big no-no, why did he let Mickey stay at the end of Age of Steel? But at least Rose got to have another awkward one sided flirty conversation with her dad at the party plus another rather unpleasant one with her mum, right?

Maureen: I was really disappointed in the Rose/Pete interactions. Father’s Day set-up a nice dynamic that felt squicky this time around. We get it. Everyone crushes on Rose. Even her Dad.

Ben: I don’t know if we were supposed to like Jackie in this, but I felt nothing for her. She’s supposed to be some fancy rich lady, but her dress doesn’t even fit properly! And she’s just nasty to everyone! You really see her true colours in the exchange she has with Rose at her party. I get that she’s feeling vulnerable because her and Pete have separated, but that was just nasty. So it wasn’t exactly an emotional blow when we discover she’s been turned into a cyberman in Age of Steel.

Maureen: Yeah, I’m not sure what was going on with Jackie in this either. I mean, generally speaking I’m not mad keen on Jackie Tyler, but at least in the real world she has some redeeming qualities. Unless the idea is that she is a nicer person because she brought up human Rose in the real world? Because, ya know, Rose is perfect and without her everyone on this show is incomplete /sarcasm.

Ben: Rose’s Dad is just as bad, but in different ways. He’s a bit of a wet rag, really. The revelation that he was feeding information to the rebels just fell so flat! I don’t know if it’s the writing or the direction in these episodes, but so many of the scenes just felt off. Then poor Mickey was treated like dirt through the entirety of these two episodes.

Maureen: I know right? From the get go Rose and Ten being arseholes to Mickey set my teeth on edge. I thought the Rose/Ten banter was cute too … till I realised it was at Mickey’s expense. And I hated all the times The Doctor got all worried about Rose, but said outright he didn’t have time to care about Mickey. Jaysus. No wonder Mickey went off to do his own thing!

Ben: Maybe it’s just a sign of the times, but Rose’s description of his grandmother as this amazing woman who used to slap him as a boy was uncomfortable.

Maureen: Yeah, what was with that? Rose laughing about it just made me hate her in this two-parter even more than I’d been hating on her previously. Haha domestic abuse. Haha Mickey deserves it. Fuck off, Rose.

Ben: I guess Grandma’s the only family he has left, but … it definitely explains why Mickey puts up with Rose and The Doctor for so long and is kind of disturbing to boot. In another episode this scene might have been touching, but instead it just felt awkward. The music was loud and emotional, Mickey was getting slapped around, and then his grandma treats us to a trope filled information dump. But hey, at least Mickey has some cool new friends now? Who then immediately treat us to another info dump. And then we get to one of the worst parts of these episodes – Mickey and Rickey. I don’t know what it is, Mickey’s actor usually does a fine job, but as soon as Rickey and Mickey are on the screen together it all goes to crap. I found all the scenes with the two of them just awkward. Ricky was just as badly overacted as the villains, in my opinion. And considering his failed rescue of Rose, Pete and The Doctor he’s just about as useful as Mickey too (the most wanted man in London due to unpaid parking tickets). Happily, Ricky is killed off at the start of Age of Steel and Mickey discovers his courage. Mickey gets a proper redemption with the last half hour of this episode – hacking computers, flying zeppelins and generally being a bad ass who’s saving the day. Onwards and upwards, Mickey!

Maureen: For me, Mickey was the saving grace of this dismal two-parter! I wish Noel Clarke had been given a real chance with this character. I think he was pretty shabbily treated by the show.

The Doctor

Maureen: My opinion of The Doctor in this two-parter is pretty basic. Fuck him. Fuck him and the unicorn he rode in on. Fuck him and his Mickey insults. Fuck him and his obsessive Rose protectionism. Fuck him and his sanctimonious lectures to all and sundry. And especially fuck him in the moment when he makes Mickey hold a TARDIS lever and doesn’t tell him to let go, then laughs at Mickey. What a bully.

Ben: Yeah, right off the bat the Doctor is bullying Mickey again. I thought we’d gotten over this stupidity, but no. And then suddenly the TARDIS is dead. This scene felt really weird, the music was loud, and the acting just felt off. And that was just the beginning. Time and time again I had issues with The Doctor in these episodes; he was bossy to Rose, mean to Mickey, and his use of technobabble was especially egregious. All the explanations around the TARDIS and their getting in and out of this parallel universe were dumb. On the bright side, Rose and the Doctor get to go undercover at Jackie’s party, and The Doctor does look rather fetching in a tux. An episode high point.

Maureen: Well, until the next dick move on The Doctor’s part. The Doctor laughing at dog Rose was just the next dick move in a long line of dick moves.

Ben: I didn’t really understand the point of the scene in the tunnels with Angela Price/Mrs Moore. In retrospect, it feels like the only reason we got a proper introduction to her – family, history, motives – was so that her death would have an impact when she was no longer useful to the story.

Maureen: Urgh yes. She was the only interesting character in the whole damn story so of course she had to die (though maybe I only warmed to her coz her name matches Angela Lansbury’s in Bedknobs and Broomsticks). I can spot the trope a mile off and I predicted she would die as soon as she got a back-story.

Ben: I also thoroughly did not enjoy The Doctor’s encounter with Lumic. His speech was very much holier-than-thou. And speaking of ridiculous technological explain-aways, having this advanced mechanical system compatible with Rose’s old flip phone is a level of ridiculous and dumb I don’t even have the words for …

The Alien of the Week

Ben: I didn’t like Mr Lumic as a villain. He felt like a caricature of every Bond villain ever. Is he completely insane? Check. Does he have a dastardly plan to take over the world? Check. Is he good for a dramatic speech and presentation at the drop of a hat? Check. I even had issues with his motive. Clearly the man is physically unwell, so this is a way to extend his life beyond the failings of mortal flesh. But beyond that we didn’t get any exploration of his motives. Similarly, Mr Crane (the Alfred to his John Wayne) was about as stereotypical a British butler as you can get. Of course, we don’t find out anything about his reasons for aligning with Mr Lumic, he is just The Help after all. The arc involving his whole sudden-but-inevitable betrayal of Mr Lumic was, to me, disappointing. Were we to believe that Mr Crane was fine with picking up transients off the street and turning them into cybermen against their will (that scene was also at least 17 different kinds of bad, and then he seemed to thoroughly enjoy putting the newly subservient men through their paces a few scenes later?), knew the fine details of Mr Lumic’s schemes, and that was the best assassination attempt he could muster? Plus it was a dramatic change of mindset from a man who used a song from The Lion King to drown out the sounds of men being torturously transformed into cybermen earlier on. He didn’t even get to give a speech about what Mr Lumic doing was wrong! And again, I constantly found the music obtrusive and distracting.

Maureen: Damn Ben! You just said everything I was gonna say. I’m just gonna pour a glass, sit back and enjoy the hate watch ride … ps: I agree, The Lion Sleeps Tonight scene was shark jumping of the highest order.

Ben: Moving on, the scene where The Doctor and Rose were in the crowd of people as they got their daily download was pretty creepy – everyone frozen in unison, then laughing in unison was creepy. But that is maybe the one good scene in these two episodes.

Maureen: The darkness of this scene reminded me a little of the hive mind suicide jumpers in The Christmas Invasion. Also, this was the only time I actually woke up and started paying attention.

Ben: Alas, after that it was all downhill when it came to scenes involving Mr Lumic’s technology. The revolving arms of blades and general horror that turned people into cybermen was just incredibly stupid. It’s the kind of thing that would be played for laughs in a Scary Movie or something similar. And I really didn’t find the cybermen scary when they were properly introduced at the end of Rise of the Cybermen, their repeated exclamations of “delete! Delete!” just made me feel like they were budget Daleks.

And, just like a James Bond villain, these cybermen have a fatal weakness. Of course the emotional inhibitor would be easily accessible and easy to disable. And of course disabling the emotional inhibitor will make all the cybermen go insane and kill themselves. That’s not a fatal design flaw at all. Speaking of design flaws, Mr Lumic’s final cyber form is what you see when you look up overkill in the dictionary. Anyways, due to some enraging uses of technology the cybermen met a fiery, self destructive end, and I can pretend it never happened.

Maureen: How noisy was that ending? I wrote, ‘what a fire and brimstone ending.’ I was beginning to want to stab my own eyeballs out. But then the episode ended. Thank God.

Final Thoughts

Ben: Look, I hated it. I hated all of it. There were very few redeeming moments, the music was really distracting, Mickey was being treated like crap, there was an over-reliance on technobabble to explain away plot points, and I wasn’t invested in any of the characters or their arcs. Maybe in an alternative universe this episode would have been received better, but I’m giving this Cyberman story a 0/10.

Maureen: At first I came over all nostalgic and was all well Mickey got out of this cluster fuck so I should award a point, but nope. No, I cannot. Because even Mickey’s exit was over the top and a bit shit. Like I’m glad he left, but gosh this wasn’t a well acted or produced episode in which to go out with a bang. Also, I loathe Ten and Rose and want them to fall into a black hole and stay there. I don’t give a damn about Pete or Jackie Tyler. I certainly didn’t give a damn about the two-dimensional cardboard cut-out big bad of the week and his cybermen, toothless pets. 0/10 inky stars